Prologue
As I answered the phone,Ken Hodges’ pick-up truck pulled up in front of the house. No…No…No. My world was forever changing.
“Mrs. St. James, my name is Neil Strickland. I am a fire captain in Australia,” a man’s voice began.
“No,” I cried.
“Mrs. St. James, I’m very sorry to notify you of the passing of your husband, and our fellow brother, Captain Jacob St. James.”
“No,” was all I could manage to get out between sobs.
I hung the phone up and limped to the door as Ken rang the doorbell. When I opened the door, I just shook my head at him.
“I’m so sorry, Elise,” Ken offered and wrapped his arms around me while I sobbed uncontrollably.
* * *
Faintly in the background,I could hear hushed voices in my kitchen. I didn’t even care. I rolled over and shut my eyes.
Hours later, I felt the bed dip behind me, and a hand gently gripped my shoulder.
“Elise, darling, wake up,” my best friend, Liz, called.
Jacob called me ‘darling.’
I rolled over and stared at one of the mahogany wood posts at the foot of the bed. For days, Liz has been here. People from Jacob’s fire department had been in and out, and Liz had been helping them with arrangements and things that I couldn’t begin to deal with.
“Elise, you need to eat something.”
“I’m not hungry, Liz.”
“Elise, Jacob wouldn’t have wanted—”
“Don’t tell me what he would or wouldn’t have wanted! He left me!” I yelled as I pushed myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. My heart pounded relentlessly with each gasping breath that I took.
“Elise, he didn’t mean to leave you, darling.”
My eyes welled up again as Liz called me ‘darling’ for the second goddamned time. She followed me to the bathroom reciting words of love that Jacob would have wanted me to hear. I soaked a washcloth in cold water, wrung it out, and held it against my eyes.
I wasn’t even certain what day it was now, but since the news of Jacob’s death, I’ve gone to sleep and woken up thinking of our last night together. He had wanted to volunteer with the fires in Australia.
He said he’d be back.
He promised that he’d be back.
Overcome with sadness, a gasp tore from my chest as I sobbed into the washcloth. Liz wrapped her arms around me, which only made me cry harder. I would never feel Jacob’s protective arms again.
* * *
I satbeside Liz and Ken in the front row of the church. I had been here many times before, but never dreamed that I’d be here for Jacob. At least not under these circumstances. This church was where many of the funerals for firefighters were held.
Five other firefighters from Jacob’s station had gone down to Australia with him, and not one of them returned to their families. All of them, along with seven Australian firefighters, had perished.
Somehow, I made it through the service inside, but my legs shook when I stood to walk outside for the gravesite portion. I didn’t think that I would be able to make it outside. Ken stayed by my side the entire time. Jacob and Ken had gone to the fire academy together. Ken had been the fire chief in our district for several years, and I felt sorry that he had to attend five more of these services this week.
Ken wrapped his arm around my shoulders as the first sound of the bell rang out.The Bell Service.I barely held it together while the bell rang three times.
I leaned against Liz, and Ken held my hand as the Honor Guard removed the flag that covered Jacob’s casket. I completely broke down again when Ken let go of my hand. I knew what was coming. Ken received the folded flag from a member of the Honor Guard, and then he put it in my arms.
