Before all of this begun running through my head, I had been staring at Russell’s chest. Now I found myself staring at the tiles on the shower floor. As I allowed my head to get lost, Russell’s feet came into view. He put his hands on my upper arms and rubbed. I closed my eyes as his motions moved me some. Russell took hold of my left forearm and gripped my fist. He rubbed on it until I relaxed and opened my hand.
Once Russell was rinsed off, we dried off and then crawled into his bed. His perfect, most incredibly soft bed. It was like floating on a cloud. We both laid on our backs talking for a while about the expo today. I had been so tired, and it was all catching up to me. I had already drifted off to sleep a few times, and when I caught myself falling asleep again, I jerked awake just in time to see Russell propped up on his side and elbow.
“What? What are you staring at?” I asked sleepily.
“Everything.”
I smiled and looked at him with heavy eyes.
“Sleep, my boy,” Russell whispered before his lips pressed against my forehead.
I stopped resisting and gave into my exhaustion. I felt Russell’s chest against the left side of my body, which felt good on my left arm, and his hand curled around my right hip over the sheet.
* * *
I strainedto listen to the words coming from the kitchen. My heart pounded in my chest and my nose was stuffy so I had to breathe out of my mouth. I squeezed my stuffed Chewbacca toy against my stomach as I tried listening.
Were they talking about me or Chad?
I looked at my older brother hoping that he would give me some indicator. I knew he was listening to our parents too. We sat beside one another on the floor of my room.
“Chad?” I whispered.
He didn’t look like he heard me, so I waited another moment before I poked his leg and said his name again.
“Quiet! Fuck, Ryan!” he hissed at me and brought his fist back as if he was going to hit me.
I turned away, shielding my face and head with my shoulder. When I was sure he wasn’t going to hit me, I moved back beside him and stared at the carpet. I clutched Chewbacca; he really was my only friend.
“Larry said he’d be by this evening for him,” my dad said to my mom.
Larry.
I felt ice cold and looked at Chad. Larry was one of the guys from the train yard. Who was he coming by for? I began tapping Chad’s leg again.
“Chad, who is Larry coming by for?” I whispered frantically.
“Shut up, Ryan! I’m trying to listen and make sure it’s not me,” he whispered back.
“Chad—”
His hands encircled my neck and squeezed. He shook me so hard that he pulled me up from my spot. I dropped Chewbacca and clawed at his hands. He knocked me flat on my back, banging my head on the carpet. I stared into his angry eyes and began squirming and twisting my head while he pressed his thumbs against the front of my neck.
“Can’t you be quiet?” he asked.
I nodded as best as I could just so he’d let go of my neck.
“I’m so glad you’re going to be gone tonight,” Chad laughed.
As he pushed himself off of me, he kicked me hard in the side and laughed. He picked up my Chewbacca and strolled out of my room. I pushed myself up and chased after him. My side was killing me and it hurt to swallow.
“Give him back, Chad,” I demanded.
“Make me, baby,” Chad howled with laughter and teased me by shaking Chewy just out of reach.
He took off running into our living room and I gave chase. Chad turned and looked at me before he shook Chewbacca and then threw him into the kitchen. If he had just thrown Chewy, we might have been okay. But my dad was in mid motion towards the table and walked right into the path of my Chewbacca. Chad and I froze as Chewbacca bounced off Dad.
“Goddammit!” he roared. His fist pounded the table as he glared at us. “Which one of you useless fucks threw it?”
Chad turned and pointed at me.
“What?” I yelled and began pleading my case.
It was no use though. He stalked toward me and was almost to me before my feet began to run. He lunged for me and caught me by my hair, then threw me to the ground.
“Get your ass in my den and wait for me,” Dad barked.
I picked myself up off the ground and trudged to his den. As I stood by his desk, wondering what was going to happen, I could hear kitchen drawers opening and then being slammed shut. When I heard the water running from the kitchen faucet, I began to panic.
Droplets of water flew off the dishtowels as they connected with my body. The entire time, Chad watched with a grin from the doorway, and in his hands, he held my Chewbacca.
