As we walked down the hall, past his play room, it dawned on me that he meant my collar. Well, my play collar. Suddenly, the thought of getting a real one filled me with excitement, and fear. People would know that I was a pussy.
No. I wasn’t one. But people wouldn’t understand.
When we arrived in his room and I saw the play collar sitting proudly on his nightstand, I stopped.He keeps it there?I know other times it’s been there, but he’s known that I was coming over. Tonight, he hadn’t planned on me coming over. We only had plans for the sports expo. The sight of it sitting there meant that he thought of me like that, even when I wasn’t here.
“What’s on your mind, Ryan?”
“Uh,” I stammered nervously as I stared at the collar.
“Ryan, relax. Take a deep breath and tell me what is on your mind?”
I liked how Russell never asked me what was wrong. He always asked what was on my mind or what I had been thinking about. It always made it easier to talk, knowing that what I was thinking wasn’t wrong, or that I was being dramatic. I took a deep breath and focused.
“I wasn’t expecting to see it there.” I closed my eyes, frustrated that I wasn’t being clear. I tried again after taking another deep breath. “I meant, I wasn’t expecting to see the collar on your nightstand. The play collar, I mean.”
Russell walked to the nightstand, picked up the play collar, and sat on the bed. He held it in his hands as if it were a piece of fine china.
“This means as much to me, as it does to you, Ryan. Even in its play form, it signifies a bond that runs as deep as they go. It represents a love and connection that few people ever find. When you wear this, you and I are at our rawest. After I get off the phone with you each night, I stare at this. I hold it sometimes. It is what I cling to as a visual reminder that the perfect person for me is out there and loves me. It’s a reminder that the person that feeds my soul, is brave enough to wear this for me. That they accept me and trust me. Of course, this sits on my nightstand, Ryan. Nothing gets in the way of my love, care, and protection of you.”
My heart was pounding as I tried so hard to grasp everything.
He really wants me.
Collaring is like marriage.
No, it’s deeper than marriage.
Could he get rid of me like a spouse?
He could wake up some morning and decide there’s someone better for him. Because the reality of it was that I was terrible at relationships. I would contaminate this too, like all of the others. Then…then he’ll leave, like all the others.
He stood and crossed the room to where I stood stock still. My eyes raced around, but I saw nothing. I couldn’t focus. As he stood in front of me, he patted his chest. Like a magnet, my eyes settled there. He slid the palm of his hand against the grain of my jaw until his fingers could curve around the back of my head.
“Relax, my boy. We go at your pace, Ryan. Understand?”
“Yes.” I nodded and felt a little relieved at his reminder that we go at my pace. “Yes, I understand. My pace,” I repeated so he knew that I had been listening.
“Now, undress, put your clothes away, and let’s get this on. I’d love to flog you before the night gets away from us, my boy.”
I smiled and went to the mirror while Russell took the collar and sat down at his leather couch to watch. Russell was a voyeur, and wasn’t ashamed of it. He wasn’t ashamed of anything he liked. He was the most confident and comfortable person I had ever met.
I toed off my shoes quickly, but then removed my shirt slowly. Russell liked to watch me go slow. I glanced in the mirror at him; he sat calmly on the couch with an elbow propped up on the arm of the couch. His forefinger and thumb rested against his lips.
I started to get hard at the memory of his mouth taking mine in the parking garage just a short time ago. He knew how to use his mouth. For a fraction of a moment, I wondered what his mouth would feel like on my dick. Would it feel like all the others?
All of the others.
My mind had drifted, and I slowed the process of undressing. I was somewhere between removing my pants and standing in my underwear.
“Focus, my boy,” Russell’s calm voice blew right through the haze of my past and all of the others.
Russell’s voice was all it took to get me to finish. I took everything that was left off, and headed to his closet. As I put my clothes away, I began to think about this being part my closet. It was bigger than one of my spare bedrooms at my house. This wasn’t even in the same realm of what I deserved. Just as I was starting to fall down the hole of self-doubt, his voice carried into the closet.
“Don’t forget your tag for our collar, my boy.”
I smiled and reached for my wallet to retrieve the tag. Naked and with a warm, red face, I took him the tag and knelt between his feet. I kept my eyes on his chest, though he remained still. I knew that I wasn’t completely hard, but I was firming up.Was he looking at that?
“You are exquisite, Ryan. I could sit here and let my eyes follow the lines of your body all night.” He leaned forward and held the collar between us while he added my tag. “But, if I sat here and admired your body all night, that flogger wouldn’t get used. And I think we both want the flogger.”
