“Thank you for getting tickets to this expo,” Ryan said as we rounded the corner to the banquet hall for the luncheon.
“You’re most welcome, Ryan. When I saw the ad in the paper for it, I knew that it would be something that we would enjoy.”
We conversed about some of the former athletes that would be at the luncheon while we stood in line to fill our plates. When our plates were filled, I guided him to a table that was close to the front.
It brought me joy to watch Ryan as he looked around the room wide-eyed, trying to spot some of the former athletes. As Ryan would spot an athlete, he’d rattle off some stats for when they were in their prime. I focused on Ryan as he ate and watched as he pointed to another athlete excitedly.
“I hear his house has all of his awards and trophies lining the hallways. I’d love to see the inside of his house,” Ryan said in a hushed voice while twirling his spaghetti onto his fork.
I had been looking for a way to bring up the fact that I’d love for him to be in my house. Ryan gave me the perfect lead-in for that topic.
“I’d love foryouto be in my house,” I casually countered.
Ryan stilled and looked at me as his fork was in motion from his plate to his mouth. I could see the panic forming in his head, and very soon I’d see it appear on his face.Calm him.
“You make my house warm when you’re there, Ryan.”
He removed his left hand from the table and dropped it down to his lap. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see for sure, but I was willing to bet his hand was grasping at his shirt around his abdomen. Ryan set his fork down slowly as his eyes moved from mine down to my chest.
“You like it when I’m in your house?” he stammered.
I smiled at his misunderstanding. When he looked up at me, I took a sip of my iced tea.
“No, Ryan. You misunderstood—”
“I see,” Ryan interrupted with a hint of sarcasm.
While he was so sure that he knew what I meant, I was almost certain that he had it wrong. Ryan laughed and nodded before he picked up his fork and twirled it in the spaghetti. I raised one of my eyebrows at him and decided to let him run a little bit. I’d yank on his leash and pull him back to reality after he stretches those athletic legs of his.
“Explain to me what you think it is that you see?” I asked calmly.
“I misunderstood, as you said,” he said in a clipped tone and began shoveling food into his mouth. Ryan glanced at me and shrugged. “I was being stupid and…dumb.” Ryan’s voice started out rushed, but ended on a down note.
It was as though he had chastised himself for thinking that someone would want him. Watching him believe that about himself, broke my heart as I sat across from him. I watched as the anger accumulated from hearing words of his parents, and then turned into sadness and acceptance as he believed them.
It was times like these when I utterly despised his folks. The damage they did, still had a hold on him. But, we weren’t going to brush this under the rug. I didn’t care that we were in public. I pushed my plate forward and folded my arms to rest on the tablecloth.
“Look at me, Ryan,” I demanded.
In an instant, his brown eyes were staring into mine.
“Tell me what you think you misunderstood, Ryan.”
Fire and rage came to life and burned in those brown eyes of his. He opened his mouth to begin, but closed it. He repeated this a few times and then lowered his eyes to my chest. He had doused his own fire, for now.
“I thought that you were going to tell me that I was wrong and that you didn’t really like me at your house,” he muttered.
Set him straight, but make him think.
“And the idea that I didn’t really like you at my house stung, didn’t it?” He answered my question with a nod. “Why did that hurt you, Ryan?”
He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable by me bringing up pain. As his eyes began to pull away from my chest, I caught him.
“No, Ryan. No running or hiding. Keep your eyes where they were, my boy. Forget everyone else in this room but us. Now tell me, why did that hurt you?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
