Oh.
What did that mean?
I started to feel like the room was beginning to spin.
Had he loved her?
Had she loved him?
Were they exclusive to one another?
Did he only top her?
Did she only bottom to him?
Had he fucked her?
Did she want to be more than a bottom to him occasionally?
Did he want more?
How long had they been a thing?
Or were they really a thing?
What happened between them?
Did something pull them in opposite directions?
Was she back now to try and rekindle what they once had?
Was Russell happy she was back?
Was Russell actually embarrassed by me and that’s why he ushered me away from her?
Is Claire a better bottom than I am?
Wait, I’m not a bottom…I’m a sub. His sub; Russell’s.
Is he leaving me for her?
Was he going to ask me to be understanding so he could start topping her again?
Could I be his toy while he played with Claire?
Could I go back to being a toy?
No! I can’t go back to being a toy!
But, it’s Russell. I love him and he was supposed to love me.
“Ryan,” Russell whispered my name and reached out. He put his hand on the side of my face so that his fingers stretched around to the back of my head. “Slow down. I see that mind of yours working overtime. “Talk to me and let me help untangle the chaos you’re talking yourself into believing.”
I looked at him and had wanted to say so much, but I didn’t even know where or how to begin. I was struggling with myself and the idea of being an occasional partner of Russell’s. I thought I was done with not mattering to someone that I was going to give my heart to. I just fuck relationships up so badly that the other person needs to have someone else on the side. Russell wrapped his arm around my shoulder and started to guide me to my couch.
“Let’s sit down and talk,” he suggested.
I took a step with him, then stopped and stood firmly in place. I wasn’t going to sit down with him if he was just going to tell me that he was leaving, or needed me to be understanding.
