“No,” he pleaded quietly. “I want to play. Please. I need it,” Ryan tried to reason with me.
“Not like this, my boy,” I said as calmly as I could and unbuckled his wrists. I held my hands on top of his wrists and watched his eyes dart around the room. Disappointment and shame began to form on his face. I squeezed his hands; that left one was still cold.
“Ryan, look at me.”
He turned his head to face me and was able to look in my eyes for a fraction of a moment before he looked away. But I was pleased to see that he brought his eyes back to settle on my chest.
“Good boy, Ryan. I’m going to let go of your hands and I’m going to help you sit up. I want you to stay still and not try to move off the bench quickly. Remember, your lower legs are cuffed,” I reminded him.
The last thing I wanted was for him to get upright and then panic when the cold air hits his chest after he’s been warm and pressed against something. He might try to get off the bench and then panic again when he can’t move his legs.
“Nod to show me that you understand, Ryan.”
His gaze was still fixed on my chest as he nodded. I let go of his hands, grasped his biceps, and held him steady as he sat upright. Ryan sat at the end of the bench and set his balled-up fists on his thighs while I moved behind him to unbuckle the cuffs from his lower legs. When he was free of the restraints, I pressed my chest against his back and wrapped one of my arms from his right shoulder across his chest and gripped his left shoulder.
After a few moments, I patted his shoulder and dropped my hands to rest over his heart. I could feel his heart pounding away. I put my other hand on his stomach to provide more comfort for him. One of the fastest ways to settle him down is a hand on his stomach.
“Easy, Ryan. Just breathe, my boy. Inhale through your nose…and slowly exhale.”
Ryan mirrored my breathing and when I felt his shoulders relax, I kissed the side of his head.
“Good boy,” I whispered.
Now that he was somewhat calm, I needed to find out what set him off.
“Talk to me, Ryan,” I requested.
“I…wanted to play…I’m not weak.”
“I know you aren’t weak, Ryan. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. But I could not proceed in good conscience. What were you running from?”
Ryan was quiet, but I knew he was retreating. I could tell that he was absorbing the connection because his head leaned back against my shoulder.
“Hmm, Ryan? Tell me what sent my boy running,” I prompted again.
“I wanted you to keep going. I needed you to take it away,” he whispered.
“What, Ryan? What did you need me to take away?”
“The pain…the memory.”
I tightened my embrace and held him against me. The memory of hurting came from somewhere though. I had to find out where.
“Did I do something that made you think of them, Ryan?”
“No, I had a dream last night. I was thinking about it.”
I was pretty sure that there was some link between his dream and something I did. Whether or not Ryan had put the two together was a different story. I was agitated that he had elected to keep that bit of information from me today. I don’t like it when he keeps nightmares to himself, and more so, I don’t like the fact that I am not with him at night. That needs to end soon.
“Ryan, let’s go sit out in the main room for a while,” I suggested.
I knew that my back had been effectively blocking any of the onlookers from my private moment with Ryan. Most here were seasoned players and could tell when people engaged in a scene needed some private time. I prayed that for Ryan’s sake, when I let go of him and he climbs off this bench, that everyone had moved on.
As Ryan got off the spanking bench he uttered something I despised hearing at that moment. It fell from his lips at the same time I noticed there was still a crowd behind us.
“I’m sorry that I let you down tonight, Russell.”
Ryan stood in front of me staring at my chest. His eyes broke away from my chest to look down at his erection that had stretched the fabric so tightly that the elastic had pulled away from his skin. His cheeks were red from embarrassment while guilt and shame flickered in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him and whispered so only he could hear.
