“I think you’re past the point of being able to sort this out yourself. You need to callhim.”
I shook my head and beganpacing.
“No, because here’s what will happen. I’ll call him, he’ll come over, and things will be restored, and he’ll make me feel better. Then he’ll leave, and within the hour I’ll feel like shitagain.”
“If you won’t call him, you know I will,” Sadie taunted in her playfultone.
I knew she would too. It wasn’t an empty threat. It actually wasn’t really a threat either. I knew she was watching out for me. I had been off the phone for maybe five minutes, and then my phone lit up with the image of the Mercedes symbol that I had designated forRussell.
“Hello,” I said into thephone.
“Hey, Ryan.” He sounded like he already knew where my frame of mind was at. “How are youdoing?”
“I’mokay.”
“What has youupset?”
“I’m not upset,” I said firmly and had hoped it sounded as convincing as I wanted it tosound.
“Ryan.”
He saw right through me. I punched the cushion on the couch and got up to start my pacingagain.
“Ryan, I’m going to comeover—”
“No, it’s okay. I’mfine.”
“I need to come over, Ryan. We can talk when I getthere.”
I’d try one more time to get him to reconsider. It wasn’t as though I didn’t want to see him. Just not under the currentcircumstances.
“We can talk on the phone,Russell.”
“Ineed to see you and have this conversation face toface.”
He wasn’t to be argued with. He was coming over, end of story. I shot Sadie a text, sarcastically thanking her for notifying Russell. She sent me back a text with an emoji of a smiley face and ahalo.
I had been biting my fingernails as I paced around the living room until the doorbell rang. When I opened it, he stood there with the handles of a leather bag in his hands. Was he staying the night? I—was he really staying the night? We had shared a few nights that were spent talking, but we were both sitting upright for those. The bag in his hands indicated something else. I couldn’t—I wasn’t ready.WasI?
The only thing I could get out of my mouth was anapology.
“I’m sorry, Russell. I didn’t mean for you to have to come over. I wished Sadie hadn’t botheredyou.”
“Ryan, it’s no trouble. Besides, I want to talk to you about the picture, and I didn’t feel like it should be a conversation on thephone.”
I nodded as he walkedinside.
“Let’s lay down,” hesaid.
Fuck! That came out of left field. He wasn’t even to the living room and had suggested the bed thing. Nervously I rubbed on myneck.
“Ryan, you’ve been trusting me for a while now. You know I respect you too much to mess up anything. We’ve been in bed together afterplaying.”
“Yea,but—"
“What? You’ve let me hold you for a little while. This is no different.” I stared at him, knowing he was right. “Ryan,” he prompted meagain.
“Okay, but can we stay inclothes?”
