10
Russell
Ispenta considerable amount of time each morning browsing around online for the perfect image to send to Ryan. We had been sharing an image each morning, and his usually came over to me within an hour of receiving his text that told me something he liked abouthimself.
It may seem like a small, unimportant task to some, but to Ryan, these tasks were anything but unimportant. I knew he put care into them because he knew it made me happy. When Ryan knew that he completed a task and pleased me, he earned praise. Earning praise made him feel more confident withhimself.
The pictures we sent one another for the past several weeks had been a mix of erotic and sensual. I tried sending Ryan images that wouldn’t trigger him or cause him to run for the hills, but ones that would also challenge him to open his mind. The specifications of the images that he would send me were that they must depict something that he would like to try eventually, or that he simply was drawnto.
I had saved every image that he had sent, and each evening I reflected upon the image to try to find his reasoning behind being drawn to it. He had recently sent me an image that I now found myself staring at almost every day. It was one of the sensual images with one man lying in bed and another man lying partially on top of him holding him. This image excited me because I knew Ryan’s mind had beenopened.
While I sipped my coffee on my patio, I had been staring at a particular image for the past half hour. It was an outdoor image of two men. One was on his hands and knees in a shallow body of water. Perhaps a creek. The other man that was standing to the side of him near his waist, had one hand pulling the man’s hair while his other hand was down the back of the other man’s pants. Both were dripping wet, and I found it immensely intoxicating tome.
Russell: Good morning, my boy. I hope you sleptwell.
I sent my morning text with the image to Ryan and set my phone down. Before I sat all the way back in my chair, the alert notification of an incoming text from Ryan rang out. I tilted my wrist to look at the time; 4:50 a.m. Ryan’s usually not up thatearly.
Ryan:Hey.
One word. I’d learned many months ago that short sentences were a dead giveaway that he’s struggling with something. Considering the time, I was guessing that he hadn’t slept well. I balanced these conversations cautiously because a wrong move would send him running. But if I hit the nail on the head and phrased things a certain way, Ryan would cave and talk. Direct talk worked with him too. If he knew that I already knew about his poor night of sleep, he’d feel part of the hard conversation was alreadyover.
Russell: How long have you beenup?
Ryan: Awhile.
Nightmare. Asking why he hadn’t called or texted would only make him feel worse and more alone right then. He didn’t need attention brought up as to why he hadn’t done something. The question of why, would have brought to his attention that by not doing something, he had displeased me.Remind him with care andcompassion.
Russell: My phone battery is fully charged eachnight.
His response came almost immediately, which told me that he was waiting on the other end, hungry forcare.
Ryan: I know. I’ve just been laying here. Oh, I have a picture for you. Onesec.
I took another sip from my coffee mug while I waited for my boy’s photo find. When it came over, a smile found its way onto myface.
“Well, well, well, Mr. Hudson,” I murmured and set the coffee mugdown.
The image was of an older man pressed against the back of a bare-chested, younger man. He held a hand over the younger man’s mouth while the other covered his stomach. If ever there was an image that spoke clearly to me with regards to what Ryan wanted, this was it. I spent far too many minutes gazing at it before I responded, and another text alert from Ryan was all that could drag me away from that beautifulimage.
Ryan: I like that I haveyou.
My mouth formed a tight line as I read his text telling me what he liked about himself. While I felt he was genuinely happy about that, I also detected an underlying pain. He was on fire this morning, and I needed to see him. It was Saturday, so I knew he didn’t have workobligations.
Russell: I love the image you sent me this morning, thank you. I particularly am fond of the placement of thehands.
Ryan: Me too. It’s like the older guy is keeping him contained as hescreams.
Pushhim.
Russell: Why is hescreaming?
I took a risk asking, but I felt there was a good chance he’d respond with something more than ‘I don’t know.’ Ryan had a creative soul, especially for someone who had seen next to no love or affection while growing up. Aside from being creative, Ryan was as sharp as a whip, which also hadn’t been shocking to me considering everything. His response to my question hadn’t disappointedme.
Ryan: He’s getting out all the stuff that has built up inhim.
As I began my reply, another text of his came over, and then they keptcoming.
Ryan: He couldn’t get it outbefore.
