Ryan: Ask him? Are you serious? I don’t even knowhowto touch him. He’s used to play partners that know how to fucking touchhim.
That sounded ridiculous to me. Get on my knees and ask for his dick.Fuck.I couldn’t do that. I leaned back on my pillows and stared at the ceiling.What the fuck am I even doing?I was in over my head with Russell. He’s in a different league than I was. Completely differentleague.
April: Did we lose you,Ry?
Ryan: No, sorry. I just need to get going. But, one last question. If I did that, wouldn’t it be like that bottom toppingthing?
I remembered there was some phrase about being manipulative and going about it a certain way to get what you want. Your behavior causes a reaction that you had hoped to get. But I think it’s frowned upon. Would this be the samething?
Ryan: I didn’t mean that I’m a bottomthing.
Ryan: Orperson.
Shit. This was all coming outwrong.
Kim: No one said that you were,Ryan.
I didn’t like the way that looked as it came back to me. I didn’t need to be pacified. I wasn’t a child. I walked away from the computer and went to get some cookies. Sitting on the kitchen counter was a pink bakery box from Russell’s party. In it, an oatmeal raisin cookie waited for me. I leaned against the counter to eat the cookie andthink.
I went back to the computer and read through the several messages from them explaining what “topping from the bottom”meant.
“That’s the phrase!” I snapped my fingers and laughed out loud. I had remembered reading on It, and Russell had told me about it back when he first started mentoringme.
I finished up my conversation with April and Kim and watched the last two videos that Russell had sent me while I had been texting Leonard and messaging with the girls. The last two videos were hot and put me right back in a horny state of mind and being. But, Russell had been clear; I wasn’t to touch my dick. By the time the last video finished, I had rubbed my chest some. It felt weird at first, but pinching feltgood.
“Good evening, Ryan,” Russell’s calm voice came over thephone.
“Hi,” I said and pushed everything with the girls and Leonard from my mind and concentrated onRussell.
“Alright, my boy, did you watch thevideos?”
“Yes,” I proudlyreplied.
I don’t know why, but hearing him call me ‘his boy’ relaxed me like nothing else. But things were different now. Now that I was “his” would I be good enough for him tokeep?
“You did very well today with everything,Ryan.”
I knew he was talking about the finger and him washing me in the shower. I felt my face get warm, but it still made me feel good andsmile.
“Thanks. It surprised mesome.”
“What surprised you the most? I know there were a few things that I imagine sparked that feeling. But what surprised you themost?”
I thought about it for a minute and then took a deep breath before I expressed my honest thoughts andfeelings.
“I think I was most surprised that I liked it and wasn’tscared.”
After I said it, I felt like I needed toelaborate.
“I mean, I had been nervous, because…well, I just was. But I never feltafraid.”
“Good, Ryan. That pleasesme.”
I pleased him. Suddenly, I thought about how Leonard asked me if I needed pointers on ‘servicing’Russell.
“I’m glad,” Iconfirmed.
Russell’s laugh made me smile. I made someonehappy.
