Russell pulled me close and pressed his lips on my forehead before he moved behind me. I heard him crouch back down and he framed my body with his legs on either side of me; just like he had that day in the playroom with the blindfold. My pulse sped up. Russell pressed his chest against me and wrapped arms around me tight.Oh, fuck.This was that hug thing again; beingheld.
“They don’t get you anymore, Ryan. You’re my boy. You are mine to care for andlove.”
He loved me. Each time he said this to me, it made me feel like the luckiest person on the fucking planet. He knew all this shit about me and all my shortcomings, and he still fucking lovedme.
But the high that went along with those three little words eventually crashed and, in its wake, lay guilt. Solid, stomach-turning guilt. Why guilt? Because nearly every other play partner that Russell has had, was better for him than I was. Better than I ever would be. He deserved things that I couldn’t givehim.
“Talk to me,Ryan.”
I bit my tongue so that “I’m sorry” didn’t automatically come out. He felt so good pressed against me with his arms wrapped around my body. Being held like this wiped me of the rest of my energy. I felt like I could unload everything when I was in this specialplace.
“Ryan,” Russell whispered my name and kissed the back of myneck.
“Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you. You’re too fucking good to me, and I’m a fuckingmess.”
His hand came to rest on my stomach, and it made me bold, but honest with mywords.
“There are so many other people that are better for you than Iam.”
“Ryan, at this stage in my life, I’m quite certain that I am fully aware and capable of knowing who is best for me.” He kissed the back of my neck again. “Youare.”
“But, there’s stuff I can’t do,” I said and started to getrestless.
Russell tugged me backward toward him, tightened his arm across my chest and gripped my shoulder a littletighter.
“Ryan, relax. There’s not a thing you could tell me, or any act you couldn’t perform or see through, that would make me love you anyless.”
