4
Russell
The tasteof Ryan’s kiss lingered and remained on my lips. I found myself tasting my mouth and lips to see if I could still taste him. I kept running my tongue over my lips slowly as I examined my strap for any splits or frayed edges that could possibly be dangerous. The way Ryan tasted was highly addictive, and I was already hooked and craved my next taste ofhim.
I was so damn proud of him for tonight. Not only did he feel comfortable enough to allow me to play with him in front of my friends, but he bravely agreed to take the strap. My heart swelled with pride as my cum lay on hisflesh.
I hadn’t wanted him to leave tonight, but I knew that it was for the best. I unearthed him this evening with so many things. I needed to allow him some privacy to reflect. I used the strap on him, came on him, kissed him, and had been verbally honest with him...I told him that I lovedhim.
I knew he would question everything that night, but I didn’t expect he would run away. Even if he did, he wouldn’t go very far. Deep down, Ryan knew he felt the connection. He knew I wouldn’t harm him, and he knew that I could give him what he needed. During the kiss before he left, I could feel his body leaning into my touch. He craved positive physicalinteraction.
I’d waited my whole life for his soul; one that despite being tortured, still had the ability and hope to love...and be loved. My fingers itched to touch him. My soul yearned to see and hear him. My heart burned to lovehim.
I flipped the strap over and continued my visual inspection of the leather. He was so brave to take this. I understood that his fears and reactions to certain things were a product of pure ugliness and a lack of love andaffection.
Ryan’s modesty and shyness saddened me, but I was hopeful. I hoped he’d see that his body fit just fine in clothing that was sized large instead of extra-large. I felt myself begin to harden as I pictured him standing in my room wearing only a t-shirt; my t-shirt. I was going to start working with him aggressively in the self-esteemdepartment.
His vulnerability, bravery, and willingness to learn and explore was something that attracted me to him. For him to be thirty-five and that virginal, in a sense, was an absolute delight for a man like me. I would take him places that he had wanted to go, and to some places that he hadn’t even known existed. I would do so with care, caution, andlove.
I found a few places on the edge of the strap that required my attention. I grabbed the blade from the drawer and carefully removed the frayed pieces. Once the frayed pieces were gone, I took a file and smoothed the edges until I was satisfied. Ryan had horrific memories of a belt being used on him, and if I had a rough edge that caused him to cry out in unintentional pain, I wouldn’t be able to forgivemyself.
I knew that getting Ryan on the same page wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but once he started experiencing submission more directly, he would find the security that he’d craved. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Ryan would find that security and freedom. Before he would truly embrace the benefits of submission, I needed to get him over a few hurdles first. The first one was for him to understand that men could, and did, submit. Leonard’s presence had helped that, though, he’d been an irritating gnat. The second thing he must accept was that it’s okay to be blind togenders.
I had been in a shallow sleep when I heard the text alert notification from Ryan. Immediately I sat up and picked up the cell phone from thenightstand.
Ryan: Hey, are youup?
Ryan: I had a fucked up dream and just needed to hear you. I don’t want to talk about it, but just need to hearyou.
“Good boy, Ryan,” I said as I quickly typed back tohim.
I had been thrilled that he reached out to me. I’d always told him to reach out to me no matter the time of day or night. In a few instances he had, but I knew that tonight was crucial. He hadn’t run away from me, but rather, he ran tome.
I winced as I thought about him suffering through a nightmare. It was obviously bad enough that he picked up the phone to connect with me. As much as I wanted and needed to hear about the nightmare, he already expressed his terms of a phone call. In his best interest, I had to respect thoseterms.
Russell: I’m going to call. I won’t ask you anything about the dream. Answer when Icall.
“Russell.”
His voice clawed at my heart. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and leaned forward. I stared at the floor as I listened to him call my name. Need, and fear had been laced in his voice. He had been afraid to express a need. My heart ached as he went on about how guilty he felt for waking me up and how it wasn’t my job to babysit him. His confusion over my deep need to be there for him made me smile. Being mine and all that it entailed wasn’t registering with him completely yet. But it would. Ryan needed patience and gentlereminders.
“Part of my need is to be there for you. I love you, Ryan. And if you want to get technical, you’re mine. I’ll take care ofyou.”
That seemed to reach him, and he began rambling at a rapid pace about hisdream.
“I was-s in trouble and sh-he cut my knee. I was-s mad be-cause it was-s my sl-sliding leg. You know, the one I’d lead with. Sh-he used the nail file. Sh-he’d always-s u-use the file. I had-d to wai-wait in his-s den for the bel-t.”
I paid close attention not only to what he was saying but how he was saying it. He justified being cut in his dream by his repulsive mother for being late from school and that he deserved the belt. My strap triggered that dream, or at least, that element to his nightmare. But it became clear to me that he was shaking. I needed that addressed thequickest.
“Ryan, are you shaking?” I asked as I looked at the clock on my nightstand. He left my house five hours ago. This could be drop from the emotional high from last night, but now it might be mixing with a lucidnightmare.
“What? No. Wait, yes, but it’s because I’m cold. I woke up sweating, and my clothes arewet.”
He had been tortured in his sleep. The worst part was that he was physically alone right now. He needed my care as best as I could provide at thisdistance.
“Please put on some dry clothes,” I instructed. He needed to get out of the dampclothes.
“But,” Ryan paused as if he was debating telling me the rest of histhought.
