I started focusing on all of the things he’d told me about his kink preferences. He loved chains. Obviously, he had a thing for that horizontal bar, which was kind of fun. The strap. My stomach sank. Russell loved the strap. It was his favorite tool. I laughed out loud at the thought of the word ‘tool.’ Shit, he’d also mentioned that while he didn’t consider himself a sadist that he loved humiliation sessions. He was also a Top, not a Dom. Tops service many while a Dom typically just has one. But he was a Top. I couldn’t be one of many. That’s just toying with me, and I couldn’t have that. I didn’t wantthat.
Then there was the whole aspect of sex, which I couldn’t begin to thinkabout.
April: What’s wrong,Ryan?
I pulled the laptop over and thought about my wording before I typedit.
Ryan: What about the otherstuff?
Kim: Ryan, that will come in time, whenever you’re ready forit.
Would I ever be ready forthat?
* * *
Icrammedmy homework into my backpack and slowly headed home. I was in no hurry. Mom was going to have friends over today. I strolled to the library that was on my “long way home”route.
I walked back to the young adult section. It was in a big room along with the kids’ section. A large area that recessed into the ground, separated the two sections. The separator had kids chairs and beanbags all over the place. Next to the pier, the library was myplace.
“Good afternoon, Ryan,” Mrs. Hansen greeted me as I walked into the young adult section. Mrs. Hansen had been the librarian in this section ever since I couldremember.
I waved at her and glanced at the seated section to see if the beanbag that I usually sat on was open. I saw that it was and headed over to it and tossed my backpack on it to claim it. I went to the section where I had found all of my favorite books lately. I grabbed the Hardy Boys mystery book that I had been reading the last time I came in and made my way back to the beanbag. I got lost in the book and felt a sense of pride when the boys helped catch the carnivalthief.
“I knew it was going to be him,” I whispered as the Hardys revealed the name of thethief.
I looked up and out of the window that was across the young adult section. The sun was setting. I quickly put the book back on the shelf and ran the entire wayhome.
I don’t remember how I ended up on the ground in the kitchen, but knew that my knee was killingme.
“You better wipe that attitude off your face, young man!” Mom said as she stared down atme.
My heart pounded as I knelt on one knee and glared up at her. I clutched my stomach with one hand and held my other hand over my knee. I looked away from her and down at my knees. Blood still trickled down my thigh and lower leg. I looked at the nail file her hand clutched. Blood smeared across the lower portion of the file. Myblood.
“Do you hear me, Chad?” my Mom screamed at me and slapped the side of myhead.
“I’m Ryan!” Iyelled.
I was losing control. I wasn’t Chad, and I hated it when she called me that. I hated my life. She crouched down in front of me and grabbed my jaw. Her hands reeked of stalecigarettes.
“You just wait until your father gets home, you littlefuck!”
I tried to jerk away from her when she brought the bloody file up for me to see. Her hand locked down on my jaw, and I stopped moving when she said that if I moved, I would poke my eye out. She pressed the file against my cheek and wiped the blood off from bothsides.
“Get your ass off the ground and get into your father’s den and wait forhim.”
I pulled my hand away from my knee and wiped at the blood she put on myface.
“Why did you have to cut my knee?” I asked as I stood up. It was pointless to argue and not be in theden.
“You cost our family money today. There were people here to see you today. You knew they’d be here, and yet you took your sweet time coming home. Where were you?” she screamed like a lunatic as she shook myarm.
“I went to the library afterschool!”
“Get in there and wait forhim.”
I waited in my dad’s den with my head down on the desk as I rubbed my knee. Why did she have to cut that one? That’s my sliding leg. Tomorrow I would start practicing sliding with my leftleg.
The sound of the family car stopping in front of the house caused my heart to pound. I sighed. I stood up but kept my head planted on his desk. I listened to my mom report the time that I showed up and how disrespectful I had been since I gothome.
