No. That wasn’t true…was it? Russell promised me he was exclusive to me, though, I told him he could be with others…but, that was before we fucked. How could I have been so stupid to have fallen inlove?
Did he want others too? Or did he just want someone else? Did he just want Leonard or someone as perfect ashim?
I couldn’t take this anymore. I grabbed my phone and dialed Russell’s number. This time it went straight to voicemail and I felt like I had been punched in thestomach.
“Hi, Russell…it’s Ryan…the Ryan you’re fucking…um, if I’ve done something to make you mad, I’m sorry…I’m sorry for whatever I did, or didn’t do that you wanted…or needed. If you need someone different, I understand…just…just tell me. Or text me…orwhatever.”
I ended the call and tossed my phone on the couch. There, I gave him his way out. The ball was in his courtnow.
To stay busy until I heard the final word from Russell, I cleaned my bathroom and entertained the thought about what Leonard’s training might include. Maybe there really was a way that I could keepRussell.
I crawled into bed with my phone and stared at Russell’s contact info. I thought about how nice it had been to have Russell beside me in my bed. I still wore my last Russell scented shirt. The scent of him had always calmed me. Right now, all I could do was cling to hope that it wasn’t truly over, or that I could fixthings.
I ignored the three additional texts that came over from Leonard. I couldn’t deal with it anymore rightnow.
Each night before I went to bed, I was supposed to tell Russell something that I had liked about my day or something that had a positive impact on my day. Right now, nothing good had happened. Everything had been bleak. I was on the verge of losing the one person who knew everything about me and still lovedme.
I was about to loseeverything.
