Back in the mindset of being a ServiceTop.
I went along for the purpose of educating him on the specific traits that made a sadist a sadist, and a masochist amasochist.
“It takes a very special, experienced, Top to understand the needs of a masochist. Primarily, a Top with a hint of sadistic likes, would be best suited for a masochistic bottom. It’s not a trait or skill that can really be taught genuinely, Ryan. Not for what that type of session requires. A masochist needs to feel pain when looking for a sexual release. They typically need pain to climax.” I let him chew on that as he continued to roll the ball bearings between his fingers. “So, if that Top doesn’t fully understand this need, the bottom’s needs won’t be met. Yes, they might have some fun, but ultimately, that bottom’s frustration and needgrows.”
I remained focused on not giving a role or title a gender. I wanted Ryan to open his mind and start thinking that way; without genderbarriers.
“Additionally, the Top may feel as though the session failed. Not necessarily to a fault of their own, but simply because they didn’t fully understand the bottom’sneed.”
He nodded and listened to me, and asked questions to betterunderstand.
“What is a sadistexactly?”
“Every sadist is as much of a unique individual as a masochist is. There aren’t cookie cutters for them. They all have their own quirks that make them very unique. But, try to think of it being the opposite of what a masochist needs; a sadist needs to inflictpain.”
He calmly nodded and handed me back theflogger.
“Do they have to make people hurt in order tocome?”
He’s payingattention.
“Some do, but not all. Just like themasochists.”
“I think my parents weresadists.”
No, your parents were assholes.I realized my mistake with the broad description of a sadist and worked to correct my error. The last thing I wanted was for him to think that his parents had any right to any title or label aside from ‘asshole.’
“Forgive me, Ryan. I unintentionally left out a key part. Consensual. A sadist seeks out consensual partners to inflict pain upon. Your parents were not sadists. Those things were done to you without your consent.” He turned his gaze back to my wall of implements.Nope, not going to hide, Ryan.“Do you understand the difference between your parents and a sadist,Ryan?”
“Yes.” He looked at me and nodded again. “I understand the consensual aspect.” Ryan grinned at me and squinted his eyes in a mocking, playful sort of way and asked, “Are you a sadist,Russell?”
“I’m not a full-blown sadist, Ryan. Far from it. But having said that, I do enjoy some consensual humiliation play.” When he nodded, I reiterated, “Consensual.”
I felt like Ryan was coming out of his shell a bit by the time we finished looking at the floggers. I began to feel better about where Ryan was at emotionally. He was doing much better when he left than he had been when he arrived, but I still needed to reiterate the importance of him reaching out to me when he felt ‘off.’
“I know you’re a strong young man, and that it’s not in your character to reach out to someone for help. But I’m serious, I want you to contact me when you’re feeling not quite right. As we continue the next time with the impact session, I don’t want you to hesitate. This is new to you and it can be difficult to navigate it on yourown.”
“Okay.” He still looked uneasy about following through with what I was asking of him. “May I text?” Ryan’s hand went to the back of his neck. “I find it’s easier that way. Forme.”
I had been proud of him for expressing something that he felt would work for him. I would prefer the voice interaction because it would tell me things the text wouldn’t. But, I’d rather him reach out that way, than no way atall.
He began to backpedal, “But it’s okay if you say no. I’ll call you if I feeloff.”
“Ryan, it’s okay for you to text. I realize you’re not comfortable reaching out for assistance, so I understand that doing so in a text would be where you feelbest.”
“Are you sure it’s okay? Because I don’t want the mentorship to stop because ofit.”
Flashing lights went off in my head with his last statement. He would be willing to do something that he didn’t necessarily feel comfortable with in order to make someone happy. This could be a good thing because it’s in his blood to be pushed to his limits. But it could also be a very, very bad thing for the exact same reason. Aside from that concern of mine, I was also concerned with the fact that he was worried about abandonment. Despite that concern, something warmed my heart about it. He felt connected to me, or wanted to be that connected, where he felt he’d be negatively affected by the loss. He was scared of having a friend and then losingthem.
“Why do you think that I’d stop mentoringyou?”
He shrugged and nervously rubbed on his neck while his fingertips moved alone the edge of my table.Thinking. Contemplating whether or not to tell me hisworries.
“If you get mad, you won’t mentor me.” He glanced at me and his lips slightly turned upward into a faint smile. “I want you to mentor me. I don’t want to make you mad. I can call instead oftext—”
“Ryan, relax. Texting is fine. I’m not going to stop mentoringyou.”
“Good,” he said and this time a genuine smile appeared. “Can I tell yousomething?”
