Chapter Four
Ryan
On my wayhome from Russell’s, I stopped at a sandwich shop to pick up something for dinner. I was surprised at how hungry I was still. As I pulled my wallet out, I could feel the ache in my shoulder blade. But damn, it felt good. I smiled to myself on the way back to my car; Russell said there wasn’t anything weird about what Iliked.
I felt pretty good during the evening but kept wondering if I was really feeling okay, or if I had been telling myself that I felt good. I had tried to think if I was feeling anything out of the ordinary. I wasn’t. In fact, I felt really fucking good. I even got a blow job, but I could have done without that. Momentarily, I thought about my mom’s friends as they had been lined up for me in thepast.
I promised Russell that I’d watch for his email and that I’d reply as soon as I saw it. I wanted to show him that I would be a good apprentice. I knew he was used to mentoring Tops and Dominants that were newer, or perfecting an aspect or two. I didn’t want him to give up on me because I knew next to nothing about thelifestyle.
Right at 6:00, I received a notification on my phone of an incoming email. I quickly checked the email and found the one Russell said he’dsend.
Ryan,
I hope that you enjoyed today and aren’t feeling too many ill effects physically. Might I recommend some ibuprofen for any muscle aches you might be feeling. I’m very proud of you for the trust you gave to me today. I do understand that it was quite a feat for you to do so. My goal was to give you an outlet to release some stress that you’ve carried around for a longtime.
As mentioned, I had a few questions for you that I could have asked while we sat outside and had lunch, but I wanted to give you some time to reflect upon our session before you answered. I also respect and understand that you feel more comfortable, at this time, in responding to tough, personal questions via email. I ask that you not reply to this email until you’re ready for bed and have given yourself some time to think aboutthem.
If there is one thing from our session that you wished hadn’t happened, what would that one thingbe?
If there is something from our session that you would have liked more of, what would thatbe?
Please call me if you have any questions, or if you need anything. You may text me as well. I am here for you,Ryan.
Russell
He was proud of me.I sat back against the cushions on the couch and thought for a few minutes. I made him proud. I trusted him and he was proud ofme.
I started at the top of the email and read it in its entirety again before I focused on forming answers to his questions. They were easy questions and I could have answered them now, but he said not to send him a reply until I was ready for bed. But, it didn’t mean that I couldn’t answer them and then just send it later. I ran my hand through my hair as I tried to think about theanswers.
If there is one thing from our session that you wished hadn’t happened, what would that one thingbe?
I thought back to today. I had replayed it over and over and I really enjoyed everything. The girl. I didn’t need a blow job. I would have been fine to just put my clothes back on. Besides, I had had enough nameless sex to last me a lifetime and I hated the way it would make mefeel.
“Oooh, no. Maybe not the girl,” I said out loud as I continued tothink.
Being naked. I wished that he hadn’t seen me naked. I started to type that as an answer to that question but then stopped. That made me seem like apussy.
I thought about all the times in my life that I had avoided having to be naked in front of other people. I had always arrived at junior high and high school gym class early so I could take my clothes into a bathroom stall and change. Thankfully, we weren’t required to take showers. After baseball in high school I just went home afterward, so I avoided it. In college I was always the last guy in the showers as others were coming out. I managed it okay. I avoided doctors. When I had sex, the women usually rode me and I fucked them from behind. Until today, it had been a long time since I had been on display like that. My mind went back to when I was a kid, or worse, when I voluntarily went back to my mom’s for herfriends.
I stared at the question again. I wished I hadn’t cried. I wished he hadn’t said what he said about me being hard. But, for the first time, I had something to reflect on in a positive way regarding how my body reacted when I was younger…it didn’t mean that I liked it or that I wasweird.
If there is one thing from our session that you wished hadn’t happened, what would that one thing be?The girl. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it and she was nice, but it wasn’t something that Ineeded.
I re-read it and checked for typos or to see if something sounded stupid. It all looked okay so I moved onto the nextone.
If there is something from our session that you would have liked more of, what would thatbe?
I guess I could just say that I would want more of that flogging stuff. But I also liked when he rubbed on my skin. But I couldn’t put that down, that would’ve made me sound like a pussy or like I was into guys rubbing onme.
In my head, my mom’s cackle and voice echoed in my head, “He likesit!”
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there had been something about the way Russell had touched me. It wasn’t familiar, at all to me. But it wasn’t bad; it was good that it hadn’t been familiar. I tried to think of what it was that I liked aboutit.
Was it just that I felt safe withhim?
Or maybe not safewithhim, but safe there and in that kind of a session. Maybe I felt safe just because it was Nick’s lifelong bestfriend.
Maybe it was just that he slapped his hand against my skin before he rubbed on myskin.
