“But also, what?” Iasked.
“You could turn out to be like yourfather.”
I couldn’t believe this was happening. My world was crumbling in front of my eyes. Not only was she leaving me, but it was due to my inability to have kids, and also because she thought I’d turn into my asshole father. I wassuffocating.
“Nikki, there’s no way I could ever be likehim.”
“It could be in your genes,” she saidquietly.
When she said that, I knew it was her parents talking. Or at least, it was influenced by her parents. She set the ring I gave her on the counter, picked up her bags, and without another word, she walked out of mylife.
* * *
Iwentthrough the motions for the rest of the semester and poured everything that I had into my last semester. I didn’t bother attending any of the spring UNLV baseball games because I feared I’d run into Nikki and herparents.
I graduated in May with a degree that Nikki’s father had wanted. I sunk into a deep depression during the summer, but due to Kim, April, Sadie, and Nick being relentless, they pulled me out ofit.
Chapter Seventeen
September2018
Isaton the patio with Sadie and Nick and glanced at my watch; it was almost 7:00. Nearly every time I was with them we talked about the kink community that they were involvedwith.
For years, I had been so curious about it, but I’d never acted on it. At least, not in the sense of going to an event at a club. I had pushed it out of my mind, but it wasn’t going away. I had read books and online short stories, and watched a plethora of BDSM and kinkvideos.
Certain aspects, or themes, could instantly make me horny. I’d been watching spanking videos for years now, and they always made me come quickly. Given my past, I shouldn’t be turned on by the stuff, should I? Did that mean I had something seriously fucked up in myhead?
The sex in this kink world sounded great, and I had no doubt that it was. But it’s not what was pulling mecloser.
The idea that deeper bonds formed between partners, different than in traditional relationships, filled me with hope. There was a possibility that somewhere in the kink world there might be someone for me. I often remembered something that Sadie had told me, that Russell had told her years and years ago; “only the brave find hope in a secondchance.”
For that reason, I was sitting here waiting for Nick and Sadie’s friend, Russell. Nick and Sadie had told me that Russell would be the perfect mentor for me as I explored the BDSM and kink world. Was I ready to finally try it after years of being curious? I had nothing tolose.
Since my break up with Nikki almost eleven years ago, I have had several flings. Some of them lasted longer than others, but all of them were missing something. None of them left me feeling like I was in the right place. IthoughtNikki made me feel like I was in the right place, but she burned mebadly.
Still, I wasnervous.
“Maybe Russell won’t show,” I jokinglysaid.
Nick’s short laugh made Sadie smile and shake her head at me. The doorbell rang, and I looked down at my watch. 6:59.
“Russell is always on time,” Nick said as he got up to answer thedoor.
While I had a few seconds alone with Sadie before Nick and Russell joined us, I looked at Sadie and said, “Am I ready forthis?”
“There isn’t a better person for you to start your journey with, than Russell.” Sadie looked over my shoulder, and we both stood to greet Russell. She squeezed my shoulder to reassure me as Russell stepped onto the patio, and whispered, “I promise you,Ryan.”
Russell’s handshake was as firm as I remembered it being from all of the other times I had shaken it. We all sat down, and Russell took a sip from the glass of water Sadie had given him. He leaned back in his chair and looked at me, and I nervously looked down and reached for myglass.
“So, Ryan, you’re curious about the lifestyle and want to start exploring?” he askedme.
“Yes, I am very curious,” Iadmitted.
“Is there something in particular that you’re hoping to find?” hequestioned.
“Something more,” I blurtedout.
Fuck, I just said that out loud. Russell studied me calmly and noddedslowly.
