“Ryan, you need to file areport.”
I shook my headagain.
“It’s old. Most of it. Besides, I’m an adultnow.”
“It doesn’t matter Ryan!” he raised hisvoice.
“I’msorry.”
“Let me help you. I will help you with this.Ryan.”
I shook my head again and stoodup.
“Coach, it’s time that I start taking care of myself. Better care, of myself.” I held my hand out for him toshake.
“You’re not leaving like this,Ryan.”
I retracted my hand and left his office. He followed me to my locker and watched quietly as I quickly put my mitt and cleats in my gear bag. I scanned my locker for any personal items and grabbed my team awards after I tossed a small deodorant package in my bag. Money was going to be really tight, and I couldn’t afford to be wastefulnow.
“Ryan, I know this is scary, but I will help you. You have the support of the coaching staffhere.”
“I’m not scared,” I said firmly and glanced at him to see if he boughtit.
I wasn’t scared. I was just done with all of thisshit.
“What about next year,Ryan?”
“My scholarship is up. My time here isdone.”
“Ryan.”
We were interrupted by one of the athletic trainers and an assistant coach. They knew. My coach held up his hand to prevent the others from crowding us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them go into the coaching staffoffice.
“Please, Coach. Don’t make this any harder than it is,” I mumbled and zipped up mybag.
He shook his head at me. I couldn’t tell if he was mad at me, or just thesituation.
“I wish you would let me help you, Ryan. What are you going todo?”
“I don’t really know yet.” I had no fucking clue. “I will get a full-time job this summer and save money. Take some time for me and see where that takesme.”
He sighed, but nodded and let up on me. Before I left, he gave me his home phone number and told me that I could call him anytime. Maybe he knew that he wasn’t completely letting go of me or seeing the last of me because I lived with Skyler and Dave from the team. He knew there would still be a way to check up onme.
I grabbed a coffee, the school newspaper, and the L.A. Times before leaving campus.Would I ever come back?I went to my pier at Venice and poured over the job listings. I circled tons that sounded promising, and after spending a day concentrating on possible jobs for my immediate future, I was mentally drained andhungry.
I spent the next week calling about long term jobs and going on interviews. It was depressing to find out that I wasn’t good enough for some jobs and didn’t have enough experience. I continued to work at my job on campus in the gym, but still took late shifts when I knew that I wouldn’t bump into members of the coaching staff. The only people that came to the campus gym late at night were a handful of people when they got offwork.
It was Friday night and rather slow and dull in the gym. Most college kids were out having fun or fucking someone. I had been reading a local entertainment paper and had tossed it on the desk when I saw it. On the back of the newspaper, in large print, it read, “Job Fair.” I grabbed the paper and read it over and over. Phrases like “will train,” “no experience necessary,” “benefits,” and “tuition assistance,” had pumped me up with excitement. Faded in the background of the full page ad were palm trees and at the bottom of the page was a rectangle logo with a lion sitting on top and the name “MGM Mirage” inside therectangle.
“Las Vegas,” I said under mybreath.
The job fair started next week. I started to feel discouraged because of the location. How could I leave L.A.? My family was here, and it’s all I’d everknown.
Family. Fuck that. My family took everything fromme.
I glanced back at the ad. It was a chance for me. A big risk. But it was all I had at the moment. I’d be stupid not totry.
I looked online for transportation and knew that to travel by plane would cost me at least a few hundred dollars. That was a lot of money for me. I looked at buses. I just needed to get there by Monday. While I was looking for bus schedules and fares, an ad popped up for something called the “Vegas PartyBus.”
