My mom stared at me as if I had grown twoheads.
“You ungrateful little shit! Your father died and all you’re concerned about is your goddamn school! Was his death an inconvenience to you?” I leaned back and out of her reach as she tried to pound her fist on my arm. “God forbid you think of someone else but yourself. You make me so sick, Chad. I can barely stand the sight ofyou.”
“He’s Ryan, Mom,” Chad dully reminded her and continued flipping thepages.
“I liked that casket, sweetheart, but it’s a little pricey,” shesaid.
I listened to them go back and forth, bitching about the caskets andcosts.
“What about cremation?” I suggested. “It’s supposed to be less expensive, and you can have Dad back withyou.”
“You want to burn your father? How dare you? He loved you and tried to clean your filthy, dirty mind. The way you show your thanks and love is to burn him,” Mom dramaticallyhuffed.
My mom got up from the table and started pulling dish towels out. She threw them all in the sink and yanked the lever to the faucet upward. As the towels became soaked, she wrung them out and gathered them in her hands. When she walked by me, she raised her eyebrows up, and her evil grinappeared.
“You just wait until your father gets home. That ass of yours willbleed.”
She disappeared around the corner to my father’s den. She often would provide him with wet rags or belts to beat me with for when he got home from work. I turned to faceChad.
“Chad, something is not right!” Iwhispered.
“She’s stressed, Ry. It’s actually your fault. Dad going away and now dying, is really hard onher.”
“Fine, I understand stress. But it doesn’t cause someone to slip from the present to the past as if it were the reality,” I quickly added when I heard Mom coming back from theden.
“I don’t care,Ry.”
My mom sat back down at the table and Chad went back to pointing out caskets. An hour later, they finally had decided on acasket.
“Ry, Mom likes this one,” he pointed atit.
Inodded.
“It looks nice,” I playedalong.
“You’re paying for it,” Chadsaid.
“What?”
“You sent Dad away. When he went away, you basically murdered him. You’re paying for hisfuneral.”
I quickly thought about my savingsaccount.
“I can’t afford that.” Anger and frustration pierced me. “I’ll make a pine box in the goddamn garage using his tools. Will be rather fitting, wouldn’t youthink?”
“You’ll pay for the whole fucking funeral. Don’t have the money? Use that fucking baseball body. Mom can call her friends over tomorrow, and you’ll work the whole fucking weekend to cover the costs. Since you’re atfault.”
“Fuck you,” I said tohim.
“If you don’t, USC gets all your videos. I’ll even come to one of your games and pass out DVDs of them. It’s your choice, littlebro.”
As if it were really a choice. I stared at these idiots. Maybe I should be looking at myself as theidiot.
“You people are insane. That’s no choice; it’sblackmail.”
“You sent your father away to his death. The very least you can do is pay for it, Ry-Ry,” Marie voiced her support for their ridiculousidea.
“You’re also going to read a letter at the funeral,” Momadded.
