I shrugged, though I knew the answer. I guess Catrina, so one, but I had had lots of women under me. Or on top of me. Or in front of me. Lots. Too many by the time I hit college. Most guys get a lot of their experience during college, but life was different for me. I felt pressured to give her ananswer.
“I guess one if you want to betechnical.”
Tiffany’s lips formed an over exaggerated poutyfrown.
“Catrina,” Isaid.
“Catrina?” Tiffany tilted her head back and laughed. “Ryan, she treated you likeshit.”
“I know.” I moved on my knees to the edge of her bed and got off of it. I was feeling scrutinized and no longer wanted company. “I ended it with her, remember?” I said and picked up my shorts off the floor. I had that familiar creepy-crawly sensation that I usually got after sex during that awkward afterglow shit that people raved about. I needed to get home and clean up or use herbathroom.
“Can I use your bathroom for a few minutes?” I asked as I headed to her bedroomdoor.
“Ry, I’m sorry. Don’t runoff.”
“I’m not running!” I said louder than I had meant. “I’m sorry,” I apologized and leaned on her door frame while looking back ather.
“It’s been a real shitty day for me, Ryan. Don’t be a dick,too.”
I nodded and apologized again. It wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t explain why I couldn’t lay in bed and cuddle or sit and chit chat. I didn’t have that in my genes. Or if I did, my parents had itremoved.
I was angry at myself for snapping at her over something that was my own issue. How could I expect her to understand that I needed time to myself after sex if I couldn’t at least explain a little of it? I couldn’t even say, “hey, I need time to myself,” before I disappeared. She usually would just let me go and be alone. I didn’t know why she was bringing it up so muchtoday.
Yes, I did; she broke up with her boyfriend. Her first choice forguys.
I had known her day had been bad and she leaned on me as a friend. A friend with a dick. That’s what I was to her. Not good enough to be a boyfriend, but good enough to be the dick she needed to feel better aboutherself.
She sat up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. I’d try to make her smile even though I was starting to feel like shit. I was selfish and a terrible friend. I had made her feel bad instead of making her feel better on a day when she needed it themost.
“Technically, I am a dick,” I said with a smallsmile.
Tiffany tilted her head to the side as her eyes roamed mybody.
“I’m your dick,” Iadded.
Her frown had returned, and she shook herhead.
“No, Ry, I didn’t meanthat.”
I shook my head and walked back over to the bed and satdown.
“It’s okay, Tiff. I’m here for you, however you need me. We’re friends.” I took her hands and kissed the back of them. “There.” I set her hands down on her lap. “Now if you cry anymore tonight when I’m gone, it’ll be like I’m kissing your tearsaway.”
Her hand touched my cheek, and a smile appeared on herface.
“Ry, if you say sweet things like that to the right girl more often, she’d be yours.” Was she talking about me? Did she mean that if I said more things like that to her, that she’d be my girlfriend? “You’re a sweet guy, Ry. Let more people see your truecolors.”
I nodded. I would. I would figure it out. I wanted her to bemine.
“Go on, Ry.” Tiffany lightheartedly pushed me off the bed. “Go do your thing in the bathroom. I’ll make us popcorn, and we can watch a movie. Don’t worry, I won’t make you snuggle under the blanket withme.”
Behind the closed door of her bathroom, I hastily pulled the condom off, wrapped it in some tissues and threw it in her trash can. I spun the toilet paper roll until I thought the heap of paper in my hand was enough. I dampened the toilet paper and rubbed it over the top of the pink bar of soap that sat on her porcelain dish. When I wrapped the damp, soapy toilet paper around my soft dick, relief rushed through my body. I twisted the tissue gently so it wouldn’t tear on me. I repeated the process with a handful of damp tissues that didn’t have the soap on them. After I flushed the paper away, I pulled on my shorts, washed my hands and left the bathroom without a glance in themirror.
All through the movie, my mind was occupied with thoughts of what Tiffany had said to me.If you say sweet things like that to the right girl more often, she’d beyours.
Did I want a girlfriend, or would that just be a distraction? Tiffany at least understood that I had reasons for being weird after sex. She didn’t know those reasons, but she knew that something existed that made me likethis.
A few days later, I found myself staring at a list of ideas that I got from Skyler and Dave about women and making them feel special or important. I could do most of the things on the list. Calling or texting a good morning or good night message, showing up after her class with her favorite coffee, taking her out and spending time with her. It sounded and looked simple. Just from being friends with Tiffany, I knew a lot of the things she liked. So maybe this wouldn’t be sohard.
