Chapter One
September2002
Isaton the wooden chair between my mom and brother, Chad, as the sentence was handed down. I felt like my tie was strangling me. I looked at the back of my dad’s head as he sat on the other side of the short wooden banister, ready to accept his punishment. My stomach was knotted in guilt. This had just gottenreal.
While the judge passed down the guilty sentence that carried enough years to last a lifetime, I felt guilty. Instinctively, I reached out to hold my mom’s hand. She continued to weep softly and pushed my hand away. She hated me. I placed my hands on my legs for a lack of better things to do with them. My brother’s fist landed hard on my thigh and then he wrapped his hand around my neck. To anyone in the courtroom, it would look like he was providing comfort, but no one could see the fist he had pounded on my leg. He pulled me close to whisper, “You fucking pussy. You cost Dad his life. You have no right to even talk to Mom. Move,Ryan.”
I swallowed hard and shifted my body so Chad knew that I would switch seats with him. I didn’t want to cause a scene. He changed places with me, while the numerous counts were being read. I felt like shit. I leaned forward to look at my mom. She accepted comfort from Chad but hadn’t accepted it fromme.
“Bailiff, please escort Mr. Hudson to hiscell.”
As my dad and the attorneys stood, my mom and brother hurried to the wood banister. They leaned over to touch my dad one more time before he was taken away. His hands had been shackled, making it nearly impossible for him to hug my mom and take hold of Chad’shand.
The bailiff pulled on my dad’s arm when he told Chad to take care of our mom. He looked at me one last time and raised his eyebrows atme.
“It was worth it,” he confessed his truethoughts.
I looked down as his final words washed over me. My face felt like it was burning up. Mom and Chad moved from the wooden banister and left the courtroom…without me. I stayed put for a while, and when the courtroom was quiet, I brought my head up and looked around. One of the attorneys remained and was looking atme.
“Ryan, can I give you alift?”
“No. No, thank you. I’m sure they’re waiting for me in the parking lot. If not, I’m going towalk.”
I stood but felt like I would be sick to my stomach. I had lost my whole familytoday.
“Your home isn’t within walking distance. It’s already dark outside. Come on, let me drive youhome.”
I shook my head as tears ran down my face. I didn’t want to gohome.
“Ryan, can I take you to afriend’s?”
I shook my head again and turned slowly to leave. I looked around the hallway for my brother and my mom. We had been the last hearing of the day, and it was well after five now. Only a handful of people in the hallway remained, and none of them were my brother or my mom. I walked outside to the dimly lit parking lot and headed toward the spot where we had parked. The car was gone. They really had leftme.
I began my trek home on foot. During my walk, I thought about how my carelessness had led to my father’sarrest.
Istoppedat the mailbox that sat on top of the wooden post that I had painted last weekend. I pulled out all of the envelopes and noticed several were stamped “second notice,” and one was stamped “final notice.” I sighed, knowing that I’d get the fallout of this later. I flipped through the rest of the envelopes and stopped at a thicker packet. It was from the University of Southern California and addressed to Mr. Ryan Hudson. I looked around and then sat down on the knee-high retaining wall that lined our yard. I tore open the envelope saying prayers as fast as Icould.
“God, please, please let this begood.”
Dear Mr. RyanHudson,
We are pleased to notify you that the University of Southern California would like to offer you a two-year athleticscholarship.
I stopped reading. I was being offered a scholarship! A lot of college recruiters had visited our high school a few months ago to watch our baseball practices and games. I had hoped there was a chance for me. My coach said there was, but money wasn’t abundant for myfamily.
I read the letter in its entirety this time and then looked at the additional pamphlets. There was a paper on supplemental financial aid and information on campus housing. Fuck, yeah! Campus housing was what Ineeded.
“Ryan!”
I turned to look at my mom. She was standing on the porch with a wine glass in herhand.
“Get your goddamn ass in here and set the fucking table fordinner!”
I shut the mailbox and jogged into the house. I tossed my backpack down in the entryway and ran into the kitchen with the mail. I strategically put the letter from USC on top and handed her thestack.
I collected plates from the cabinet and kept my eye on my mom. I was waiting for the excitement. I put the plates down and looked up at her. She had moved past my letter from USC and had opened the second and final notices. My USC letter had been tossed in a mix of clutter on thecounter.
I hurried over and sifted through the other stuff to get myletter.
