He shrugged and glanced around. “There are hotels everywhere, are you ready to be put up for the night?”
“I want to ride with you,” I admitted, giving a little glance at the bike. I’d rather enjoyed the feel of holding onto him while the wind blew my hair and thoughts. “Can we go for a ride before we pick out a room?”
“Baby, you can be my backpack anytime.” He winked and kissed me like he was savoring every second of it.
I don’t know how I struggled to trust my own shadow most days but had no problems trusting him on two wheels at whatever speed he wanted to take us.
We coasted toward Darcy’s Pint, and I settled back, letting my hand rest on my knee while I took in all the sights that I’d driven past hundreds of times, but never really took the time to appreciate. His fingers brushed mine and he moved my hand to his hip.
I smiled and pecked the back of his shoulder, giving my cheek to his vest for a few blocks. When we reached the light, I sat up a little, and as he turned, my hand gravitated back to my knee. He reached back, claimed my hand and guided it back to his waist, making me inwardly giggle a bit.
I realized it was a thing for him and smiled as I tested my luck after a few moments and casually brought my hand back toward my knee. Before I could comfortably rest it, he gunned the bike a little and I panicked and grabbed at his waist with a squeak.
I felt the rumble of laughter even before I popped him on the shoulder and was rewarded with that cocky grin when he glanced back.
“Asshole!” I called over the wind.
“You love it,” he sang back.
He circled the city, navigating interstates and city streets alike. It was so weird, when I was clutching him and that bike was roaring, I forgot about everything. There was no dayshift-nightshift battle, and the rent was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t even notice he’d taken the interstate south, until we were thirty minutes out of the city and the fields started to span forever.
“Where are you taking me?” I called.
He glanced back and took the next ramp.
“I don’t know. Home?”
“What?” I put one hand on his shoulder and lifted my ass half off the bike before I’d gotten the word out.
“Whoa.” He pinned my leg and pushed me back down. “What the fuck…?”
“I–I can’t go back there. It’ll cause problems.”
He walked the bike off the ramp to the gravel with us still on it while I sat behind him gnawing my lip and suddenly questioning my life decisions.
I didn’t have a means to take Joplin with me, and I wasn’t sure I could walk away from her twice. I clenched my teeth to keep my lip from quivering and realized I was gripping his shoulder a little harder than necessary.
He stood up and I shifted back with an abrupt gasp.
I thought I’d pissed him off, but those dark-blue eyes were shimmering with concern when he turned to face me.
“Why?”
The tension in my jaw grew until my teeth grated. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts and tried to cover my discomfort with a quick flash of smile and a dismissive shake of my head.
“Don’t lie to me.” There was a sharpness in his words that sent every thought in my head scattering.
I blinked to clear my vision, but it only made my eyes burn.
“You shake your head like the answer is nothing, but that can’t be true. You’re shaking like a leaf, and your shoulders are curling inward with every breath like you’ve something to shrink or guard yourself from.” His hands gripped my shoulders in a hug of a massage and slid off either smoothing them out and making a point of his words.
I lost control of my lower lip and those hot tears spilled.
I was hit with more emotions than I could process at once. I’d spent an entire childhood wishing someone would notice my misery, or the pain in my eyes. I’d spent an entire lifetime praying that someday, the father I’d never met would care enough about my wellbeing and save me and my little sister. When he never came, and I accepted that we weren’t worth the time of seeing or saving, I put on the stage make-up that I wore as armor and hardened myself to the reality that nobody was coming. I was the only person in my corner.
It was too late for me, but if I could save Joplin…
I bore the secrets and shame alone and in silence for twenty years.
