“You’re not really committing to an answer here, love,” he pointed out, just before I stood back up.
“I can’t,” I quietly admitted, and just saying it out loud made my eyes sting with unspent tears again.
He laughed, not immediately noticing and lifted his chin like I was playing with fire.
“I can’t go home,” I amended, finally meeting his gaze. “With or without you, not yet.”
All the play fell from his features and he studied me for a long, silent moment, “You mean can’t go back to Swanwick, or the place here?”
His familiarity with my past left me slowly backing away.
“Stupid question. I don’t care either way.” He shifted to follow me, raising both hands as he looked dead into my eyes.
“I’ll see you this weekend. I need to figure out this job thing right now.” I idly rubbed the mark he’d left on my neck.
“I’ll give you the lost wages, alright? Don’t trip. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to cause problems with your job, I swear.”
“Thought you were trying to make sure I never had to work again,” I reminded him of his lame earlier attempts.
He licked his lips and stepped toward me, his head slowly tipping as he smiled. “I’d do that and more, you have no idea… but I can tell you didn’t like it when I spoke to you that way, so I’m trying to tone it down a little.”
I looked away and tried to quiet the warning bells that were going off in my head. They weren’t helping me think any more clearly.
“That’s the problem.” I cleared my throat and sniffed before looking away again. He stepped into my line of sight, making me aware I’d been searching for an escape even if I hadn’t realized it.
“What is? Tell me, Crystal, please… Jesus. Don’t you hear me right now? Never in life have I begged a chick to let me know her.”
“I don’t want to tell you how to be. I want–” I was startled speechless by the direction of my own tongue and thoughts.
“What? What do you want? Tell me, Crystal…” He stared down at me and I swallowed hard, dropping my gaze.
Damned if he didn’t drop right to his knees beside that bike. I shot a wild look around the parking lot, somewhat concerned with who might be watching. When I did, his long arms snared me by the hips and drew me forward. My hands locked on his shoulders and my heart lodged beneath that growing knot in my throat.
“Stop thinking and tell me what you want. Whatever the fuck it is, Ma, I’ll deliver. Fucking try me. You have no idea the things I’d lay at your feet.”
I laughed, but it didn’t stop the tears from prickling at my eyes, or my shoulders from dropping in defeat.
“Not everything can be laid at someone’s feet, Anthony. A night with you won’t solve all my problems, okay? Can you get that? It’s only going to fuck up my head and tangle my situation worse than it already is.”
“There is nothing I cannot obtain, erase, straighten out, mend up, or arrange. Try. Me.” His swaying between determination and groveling was endearing, but endearing wouldn’t pay the fucking bills.
I closed my eyes and whispered much to my humiliation, “My roommate is going to put me out if I don’t have my rent situation figured out.”
“How much do you need?”
I shook my head. “I don’t want charity. Charity is something that pays once. It’s appreciated, the offer, but what good is charity if next week, I’m in the same spot?”
“It isn’t charity. It’s me covering the damage I caused and buying a fresh page in your book. How about that?”
His eyes had shifted to a dark green and were silently imploring me.
“I want you to be real with me. That’s all I want. Sometimes you’re sweet, and sometimes you flicker with something else. You're tender, and yet you can be demanding and when you get rough you scare me. I don’t know you… I don’t even know your whole name.”
“You got it,” he agreed, without hesitation, before firing off answers I hadn’t asked for, “It’s Aviston. My name is Anthony Aviston.”
“Don’t bullshit me.” I refused to melt into his money or sweet talk. Words were cheap.
“I won’t.”
