“Ah,” Kai replies dryly. “So that’s the, er, aesthetic you were going for.”
Nirblob nods his oversized head. “Of course! I took inspiration from my favorite villain between the sheets—Lord Vardox, naturally. I wanted to make sure I had an appropriate boudoir in which to woo my very own future Captain Starblade.” He sighs dreamily. “I just know he’s out there in the universe, waiting for me to find him.”
I clear my throat and try to ignore the way the carpet fibers are definitely moving. “I love your optimism, my friend. I’m sure you’ll meet your true love someday. And this… room will certainly be a big surprise to whoever that is.”
That’s putting it mildly.
“Tonight, it’s all yours.” Nirblob rolls closer and gives me a cheeky little elbow nudge in the side. “You two newlyweds should enjoy it to the fullest. Mwhahahaha!”
And with that, he whirls around on his roller skates and goes sailing out of the room, cape fluttering behind him.
Kai blinks dazedly. “Is it just me, or are my eyes still being assaulted by the color scheme in here?”
I wince. “No, it’s not just you. Nirblob means well, but sometimes struggles a smidge with the execution, especially when it comes to things like romance.”
Kai whistles softly. “It’ll take a very… unique individual to fall for his particular brand of weirdness.”
I silently agree, but in solidarity to my friend, I say nothing.
After all, even though the room is on the kitschy and garish side, Lord Vardox would probably approve of the sentiment behind it. Sure, the décor may be a tad much, but I can tell Nirblob put a lot of care into it. Everything is high quality—the bed’s very comfortable, the bathroom has an enormous tub built for two or more, and there’s a nice walk-in closet so that if one were staying long-term, they’d have plenty of space for their things.
We stow our luggage in preparation for takeoff, not bothering to unpack since we won’t be staying on the ship for very long. Nirblob’s told us we’ll be at our destination by morning Vegas time. Kai and I then make our way back to the navigation room. When I detect a faint vibration under my feet as we walk through the corridors, I turn downright giddy.
Who cares about semi-cringey love-nest rooms? We’re traveling to motherfuckingouter space!
Nirblob’s voice comes over the ship’s comm system. “River, if you want to play Captain Picard, you need to get your butt to the bridge pronto!”
“Galactic gods,” Kai says, shaking his head. “You’ve converted him already, haven’t you?”
I grab his arm. “Duh. Come on, I can’t miss myStar Trekmoment!”
With that, I drag Kai down the remainder of the corridor at a brisk jog until we reach the ship’s navigation room, where Nirblob is waiting for us.
When I step inside, I have to marvel. My many hours of educating Nirblob about essential sci-fi pop culture has paid off because the brilliant brainiac has in fact modeled this part of the ship after the bridge on the Starship Enterprise, albeit on a much smaller scale. He’s even got a high-backed command chair that swivels.
“Make it so, Number One,” I whisper to myself.
Nirblob waves a gloved hand with grandeur. “Welcome to my command center.”
He doesn’t have any support crew apart from a little robot that can handle basic engine maintenance and other repairs. As he proudly told me earlier, only he knows how to finesse his newbaby. In all honesty, I totally believe him. That big brain of his isn’t just for show. Turns out, as I discovered not long ago, Nirblob’s a bit of an inventor genius. Of course he designed and built his ship all by himself, and to a level most others could never understand. That’s just how my friend rolls.
Kai and I are simply along for the ride.
When my hubby-boo told me he was organizing a honeymoon trip to Tentacular Tales Con, I was over the freaking moon—and Mars and Saturn, to boot. As soon as Nirblob found out, he immediately volunteered to take us there in his ship since he was already making the journey himself.
He’s one of my biggest fans, and thankfully, a friend to the Alliance now. I poached his brilliant little ass from Layne Madison—aka Darth Laynder—and we reaped the rewards big time. Instrumental in helping us quell a dangerous alien invasion, he was a total stealth hero in Operation CHAOS. Without his ingenious weapon design and the mega whammy of his GLITCH switch—a computer virus that compromisedthe invader ships’ systems—I’m not sure that we would have succeeded in our mission, or at least not without potential casualties.
Nirblob deserves this vacation adventure as much as we do. I’m also working on a surprise celebration to honor him and his heroic efforts that will be held at Vardox’s Cantina once we return home.
Seated in the command chair and wearing an oversized Santa hat on his huge head, Nirblob grins at me. His command station is lined with garlands and bows while strings of Christmas lights hang above us.
“How do you like my Earthling holiday spirit?”
Since tomorrow is Christmas Eve, Kai and I are enjoying our honeymoon over the winter holiday, and I’m super excited about it. It won’t be a conventional Christmas, that’s for sure. But who needs that when you have the opportunity to travel toouter fucking space?
Still, Nirblob’s festive vibes do warm my heart and I smile back. “It looks awesome, man. I’m happy we can bring a feel-good holiday atmosphere with us on our journey.”
Nirblob chortles with obvious delight and taps at his command screen for a moment, then Mariah’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” serenades us as Nirblob fires up the ship’s engine.
