“Oh, G.” Ginny holds me tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. It’s not until my tears have slowed and I’ve cleaned up my nose with the proffered tissue in Ginny’s hand that she says anything else. “You really liked him, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” I say miserably.
“To tell you the truth, I didn’t think you’d actually come home. When we’d talk, I could hear it in your voice that your feelings for Holt were a whole lot bigger than you were saying out loud. I figured you’d make some excuse to stay therelonger.”
“I thought about it. My friend Gwen even offered me a place to stay.”
Ginny’s eyebrows raise. “And you still came home?”
I sit up. “Of course I came home. My life is here. Our family, our friends, everything. It’s idiotic to stay in a town I don’t actually live in just because I caught feelings for a guy.”
“And yet you’ve been staying at my house since you got home instead of going back to yours.”
“Well, yeah. I was gone for a month. I missed you, and I wanted to get my fill of baby cuddles.”
Ginny snorts. “Nina doesn’t sit still long enough to cuddle anymore.”
“Okay, that’s true, but I still missed you.”
“And I missed you too, but I think you’re purposefully ignoring the real reason you’re here.”
“And that is?”
“That your heart is broken, and you need me to make you feel better.”
I scoff. “Oh, please. I do not have a broken heart. I might’ve liked Holt a little more than any other guy I’ve ever slept with, but to say my heart is broken is a bit of a stretch. All we had was sex. Nothing more. And if I came here for you to make me feel better, you’re doing a terrible job of it.”
As the words come out, I know they aren’t true. It was more than sex between Holt and me. My feelings had been steadily growing from the first night I spent at his house. I’ve been shoving the emotions into the far recesses of my mind to try to protect myself, but Ginny’s right. My heart cracked the second I got on that airplane. I just haven’t allowed myself to accept it.
I’ve avoided dating for this very reason.
Why would I willingly put myself into a situation where I’d likely get hurt? It was beyond stupid of me. I’m crying inmy sister’s arms over a goddamn man when I swore I’d never do this to myself. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
There’s a kernel of dread in the pit of my stomach that won’t go away, no matter what I do to rationalize my decision. I know I made the right choice in coming home. And yet, a growing part of me isn’t so sure this is my home anymore.
Ginny’s tone loses the soft edge it had. “You know I will always be here for you, but I refuse to keep my mouth shut when you’re self-sabotaging. You came home because you’re terrified of letting yourself fall for Holt.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I move away from Ginny, my insides crawling with how close she’s getting to the truth.
She follows, kneeling on the floor in front of me and grabbing my hands in a tight grip. “Gia, I’m your twin sister. I probably know you better than you know yourself. Being identical has sucked for you since my career took off. I watched you withdraw from the world, day by day, as I got more popular, and it killed me that I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
“I know you’re constantly mistaken for me, no matter what you do, so you created a spiky armor to protect yourself from all the douchebags who try to use you. I don’t blame you in the slightest. I’d have done the same thing, but the problem is, you never learned how to take it off—even when it’s safe to.”
I bite my lip when it starts to tremble. I’ve cried enough for one day. More tears aren’t going to make anything better. I shouldn’t be surprised that Ginny’s seen right through me all this time. I’d hoped that I’d been keeping my struggles to myself because I never wanted her to think I wasn’t genuinely happy she’d become a successful singer. I’m so fucking proud of her for living out her dreams. I had no desire to make my problem hers.
Now, she’s telling me she’s seen straight through me all this time. She’s right in that there wasn’t anything she could have done about it. Telling people to stop being assholes is about as effective as a boat with a hole in the bottom.
“I wasn’t trying to push everyone out. It just…became easier. If I didn’t let anyone get close, I never had to see their disappointment when I wasn’t what they wanted. I loved that you and I were polar opposites. It gave us space to be our own people growing up, but when I went to college, everyone expected me to be just like you. They wanted the experience of being with ‘Virginia Miller’since they never stood a chance of actually being with you.”
“People suck.”
I huff out a laugh. “Agreed.”
“You told me the people in Pine Creek Falls never made you feel like they wanted you to be me.”
“That’s true. They didn’t want all the gossip about me because they thought it would give them insight into you. In fact, I think Holt’s girls were the only ones who even made the connection. Everyone else either didn’t notice or didn’t care.”
“That’s pretty major, G.”
