I realize my hands are still clenched, but I’m afraid to touch him. I’m afraid of the feelings that video stirred up in me. His family… the team… Erin Cruz… and my mom. So many emotions burst through me like a rapid release of different explosions, one right after another.
“Let’s just wait until later. After the offer.”
“No,” Owen says more sternly than I expect. “I’m not going to wait on this. We aren’t going to pretend everything is okay when it isn’t. We’re gonna talk about it, and it might be hard, but we’re gonna be good at the end of this thing because we’re a team, Brooke. I know what your mom said was—”
“Who’s Erin Cruz?”
He sucks in a breath of air. “She’s…”
“Did you date her? I mean, it would make sense if you did, Owen. I dated. It isn’t a secret. But she called you the day we came here, and I don’t know her… I don’t—”
“I didn’t date her, Brooke.”
“But you wanted to?” I’m sniffling and full-on crying now, the false privacy of the box we’re in giving me a sense of safety that I know won’t last forever. “When she called that day you said you’d be in touch if anything changes in the future. Like, if you and I change?”
“No, Brooke. Nothing like that. She’s… she’s an agent. She wants to sign me.” His grip on my waist is so tight, it and the parameters of the box are all that’s holding me up. “She startedpursuing me before the Atlanta Hammers did, last year. I’ve put her off for a while now, because I’m not interested.”
“An agent? But that’s huge!” I don’t understand. “Why wouldn’t you be interested? You could sign with any team you want, right? She’d broker everything and… Why would you say no to that, Owen?”
He’s silent, and things make a little more sense.
“Was it because of me?”
“No. It’s because I know what I want, Brooke. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” The small industrial fan at the top of this thing isn’t enough. I’m suddenly too hot to think. To breathe. “She wants to sign me with Salt Lake City. It’s where she’s based out of, and I knew—”
“Did you already have an offer?”
He’s quiet again. A resoundingyes.
I manage to control my tears. “You should take the offer, Owen. This is your dream. It’s what you’ve been working for your entire life.”
“I will.” He nods, but I close my eyes, only feeling the movement against my hair. “And you’ll come with me.”
I don’t answer. I can’t. All I can see is that car in my mom’s hands, her empty ring finger, and the small, meaningless altar behind her. I can’t stop thinking about the mint green VW collectible left on the bedside table at Owen’s house, in my—the spare—room and don’t know what I’ll keep of Owen’s while waiting for him to come home. The T-shirts that smell like him? The small Broncos I’ve collected over the years, ready to give him? Baseballs… movies… Everything in my life is tied up with Owen, and I can’t lose him. I can’t bare this. I can't breathe.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
“Brooke, sweetheart, you’ll go where I go.” Owen’s throat clogs with emotion. I want to reassure him and make everything better, but I don’t know how. I just need to get out of thisbox. Out of this impossible situation. I need to escape this pain, fracturing everything inside. “You’ve got to talk to me. Come on, Love. This isn’t about Erin or her offer. You know it isn’t. You’re scared.”
He pulls me into a hug, one that says he’s not letting me go without a fight. But it hurts. It reminds me of another hug. A goodbye. And I know it’s not fair, but all I can focus on in this moment is never feeling that way ever again.
“I love you,” he whispers. “I love you, and nothing is going to change that. Just tell me your fears, Brooke. Tell me everything. I’ll fight them with you.”
I want to tell him I love him, too. That some fears you can’t fight. Some are so life-altering, so deeply integrated into your DNA that you’re never the same again. They become a part of you. You simply have to exist with them, hurting the people you love most just to protect yourself.
But I don’t tell him any of that, because the box we’re in suddenly opens, filling the space with light, and I pull away from his arms as soon as the cameras are on us.
“We accept the offer,” I say as soon as Todd signals we’re filming.
And then I run.
19
IF YOU LOVE HER
FOREST BLAKK
OWEN
