Ryan’s jaw tightened. “It means that… I have thought about you… about…”
“Smoochin’?” she said, crossing her arms and jutting out her hip. “Makin’ out. Canoodlin’...”
“Good gracious, yes. Okay?! Kissing you. I’ve thought about kissing you. Every. Day. For… many days.” He leaned over her, arms framing her into the car. “But Ginny, it’s hard for me to figure out this thing… this way I suddenly feel about you when for so long you were…”
“Me?”
He nodded.
“Should we french a little to see how you feel today?” She wiggled her eyebrows and earned his laughter. Real laughter as he brought his forehead to rest on her head, reaching up to twist his finger in her curls, just as he had the other night. She wanted so desperately to press her lips to his. To stay in this bubble where Ryan wasn’t afraid to touch her hair or her face or even to hold her hand.
“Ginny, do you know how long I had a crush on Caroline?”
And nope, she changed her mind. Now she wanted desperately to punch that beautiful man and give him some good sense. Instead, Ginny bunched her fists and used them to push Ryan away. “Whoa, do you know how to kill a mood, man!”
His apologetic smile faltered. “Sorry.” His hands found his pockets again and he continued. “You know my mom wasn’t around much. That she chose to leave… me. And I was reallyclose to my grandparents, but they were family, ya know? They just filled in the space where she was needed. I don’t wanna undersell what my grandparents did for me, because I owe them so so much. Everything. But it wasn’t until I met Georgia and Blaire that I felt really chosen by someone. Like I had people in my corner.”
“I get that. You have no idea how much I understand.” She thought of all the ways God had been working on her heart in that very area recently. How her family, friends, and even Melody Man had given her a new sense of belonging when she’d needed it most.
He gave her a nod and smiled tentatively. “Those girls, Georgia and Blaire, well, they were—ARE—insane, but they were also my best friends. And with that friendship, they filled this missing piece I’d needed for a long time. But, Caroline… She was untouchable. Like this effervescent being that I craved attention from, that I just couldn’t seem to grasp.”
“An effervescent being that can burp to the tune ofAmazing Graceon command, but whatever. Sure, I love her, too.”
“Yeah. Not her most attractive quality.” Ryan scratched the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “The point is, I wasted so much time chasing after the affections of someone who was more of an ideal in my mind than someone I could really see myself with. I’d built up this picture of her that wasn’t reality, and I… man, I’m saying this all wrong… It’s not about Caroline at all. Caroline’s my friend.
“But you… It’s just that… well, I have an image of you, Ginny, that’s so clear and so muchmore… But it just came outta nowhere, and I don’t think I can trust it. Trust myself. My feelings… they aren’t reliable. And I’m not going to chase you like you're the person that can fix whatever that broken piece is inside of me. I can’t do that to you. I won’t.”
Ginny huffed, placing her hands on her hips. “And I don’t get a say in any of this?”
Ryan shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
Ginny wanted to argue or smack her lips against his until he forgot all about his reasons and insecurities. She didn’t want to fix his brokenness. She wanted to point him to the only One who could. Jesus.
Instead, she did something she rarely practiced. Ginny paused. And in that moment where she normally would have given him a piece of her mind—preached and prodded until he realized just how valuable and wanted and worthy of love he was—Ginny felt a small stirring in her spirit that said,Wait. Show him.
Ryan knew all the truths of following Christ. Of being adopted into the family of God as a born-again believer and receiving sonship. Eternal life. Hope.
He knew the right words and the scripture and the Truth in his head as knowledge, but maybe he needed to see it. Experience it. To know Jesus in heart and mind were two different things, and if Ryan couldn’t trust himself, a heart clearly following after Christ, he’d never trust his feelings for her or anyone else.
Grace. Friendship. Affection. Unconditional love… Show him.
She took a deep breath and said, “Okay.”
“Okay?” His eyes glossed, looking misty green. Like a meadow on a crisp autumn morning, covered in fog. “You’ll… you’ll forgive me?”
“We’re friends, Ryan. There’s nothing to forgive.” She bit her lip and chuckled as she said, “You gave me the best kiss of my life. So I should be thanking you. You’re a really,reallygenerous, gorgeous, kissablefriend.”
Ryan’s cheeks filled with heat and she knocked her hand playfully into his stomach, feeling the defined edges of abs underneath.Bad move, Virginia.
“What socks are you wearing today?”
His lips twitched. Perfectly soft lips she’d kissed heartily six days before.Curse her intrusive thoughts!This was gonna be harder than she anticipated.
“Armadillos. You?”
She pulled up her jeans, revealing calf-high socks, striped with colors that reminded Ginny of fall.
“I like them,” he said. “Festive.”
