“Then you did not know him. He wasn’t always… Will and Gabriel were nearly the same age. And Will... it’s much easier to impress someone who has absolutely no expectations of you. But father had every expectation of Gabriel. He learned early that he would never meet them. So he simply stopped trying.”
Kit’s eyes were warm and thoughtful in the dim of the carriage.
“Father held them up in comparison, and Gabriel was found wanting. Always. Eventually, not trying became actively courting father’s disapproval. My brother, he pretended he didn’t care. But father’s disapproval bothered him until the day he died.”
“I think I understand?—”
“It wasn’t just Gabriel though. It was all of us.”
“Father broke Xander as well. But Gabriel had already disappointed Father. And Xander hadn’t years to learn to manage the weight of expectation.”
“He seems to have managed well.”
“He—if Father could see him now… He hasn’t managed well, not by Father’s definitions. And Xander knows it.”
“His Grace is more generous and caring for you and your mother than any other gentleman who works with us. The estate is in exceptional condition. What could there be?”
“A duchess. One would think Father would have treated his own duchess better, given the importance he placed on the concept. In some respects, I suppose he did. Mama loved him at one point, I know she did. She would insist that she does to this day. But he crushed her spirit.”
Kit considered me, lips pursing and gaze roving my face. “And you?”
“I love Xander. He is the best of brothers. And he’s certainly more suited for the role than Gabriel was. But in many ways, Gabriel and I are one and the same. Faced with pressure, Xander will give and give until there’s nothing but dust left. Gabriel and I, we push back.”
“And that is why…” he trailed off, searching for the words to describe me. I liked that, the way he couldn’t find the words for me. I was undefinable.
“I get into all my mischief?” At his nod, I continued. “Partly. It’s also just fun.”
Kit’s lip curled into one of his quarter smiles. That one always felt indulgent in nature. That quarter-smile made me want to tell him, to give voice to it.
Xander knew nearly all, especially after our last conversations before he journeyed to Scotland. Celine, too, suspected, that was certain. Mama, she rarely had even the slightest idea of what I was up to.
But this was Mr. Summers… And something about his dark, warm eyes always made me feel safe. “And there’s the practical aspect.”
He raised a brow.
“I have no intention of ever marrying. In fact, I’ve worked hard to ensure no one ever wants to wed me.”
Kit’s lips parted on a gasp, his eyes narrowed. He was a beautiful study in contrasts: pale skin, dark features, soft lips, and knowing eyes.
“All this time,” he breathed. “All your adventures… Your brother has worried himself half to death because you don’t want to wed.I’venearly done the same. You could have simply told him.”
“Where would be the fun in that?”
“Davina,” he whispered. One hand came up, forefinger and middle hovering over my cheek. He was so close I could feel his warmth. Then he blinked and it was gone. His hand fell back to the seat between us.
Without pausing to give it consideration, I set my hand beside his. Our littlest fingers brushed against each other.
His dark gaze flicked down to our hands. Instead of pulling it away as I expected, Kit merely left it there. Something about that choice, so deliberate, left me conscious of the contact, my skin tingling in a way that was too extreme for the simple touch.
Kit swallowed and caught my gaze once more. “I worry about you. I worry about the day that I’m too late. I worry about the day I cannot find a way out.”
“I don’t.”
“What?”
“I don’t worry. You’re Mr. Summers. There’s no problem you cannot solve.”
“Davina…” The way he said it, low and musical, tripping on each note… I’d never been so glad I’d insisted someone use all three syllables before. “There are a great many problems I cannot solve, no matter how much I may wish it.”
