“Christ, no.” At his glare, I corrected. Kate was still a vicar’s daughter. “Lord, no. He doesn’t recall our meeting at all. Which is almost certainly a positive thing, I was a bit of a mumbling dolt. I did steal a snuffbox from your wife’s aunt, though.”
He sighed, thumb and forefinger pinching his nose. “Do I wish to know?”
“No.”
“Very well then. What you feel for Rosehill… It is love?”
“I’ve never been in love before.”
“Sometimes when Kate smiles at me, I forget to breathe.”
A little chuckle escaped me. “I don’t think Xander knows how to smile. But when he speaks—you know the way he does with his hands—my heart forgets to beat.”
Something in my brother’s expression was wistful, his lip quirked at one corner. “Do you wish to do anything with those feelings?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to be with him? If there were no obstacles, and your feelings were reciprocated—do you wish to build a life with him?”
I nodded, swallowing the harsh knot in my throat at the thought.
Hugh’s tongue darted out between his lips, moistening them before downing the entirety of his glass in one swallow. “You understand the consequences? It’s not done often, but the law—you could be hanged, Tom.”
I mirrored his actions with my glass. The fortification was necessary for the rest of this. “Wouldn’t you? If it were Kate?”
He sighed, his head falling to the desk with a soft thump. “I wish everyone would stop mentioning wretched things happening to my wife by way of explanation. I am capable of comprehending the feelings and sentiments of love without the demonstration.”
The chair creaked as I leaned forward to offer a conspiratorial whisper. “Did you not say a few moments ago that you required a diagram?”
My ear rang for a moment after Hugh clipped me round it.
“I need you to be serious for once in your life, you ingrate,” he muttered. At my sobering nod, he continued. “There are very, very few things I would not do for you. You know that, I hope. But this, if it goes poorly, I very much doubt there would be anything I could do for you. And if there were things I could do, I’m nearly certain that doing them would imperil Kate and little Henry—and those, alone, are the things I will not do. Rosehill will be shielded, his title all but ensures it. If you’re discoveredand they wish to make an example of someone… I couldn’t bear it.”
“There is nothing to discover. Xander is gone to Scotland.”
“An impassable distance, so I understand your willingness to forsake the love you spoke so passionately about. Orpheus went to hell for Eurydice, but no one could expect a man to go to Scotland.”
“What are you saying?”
“You know what I’m saying.”
“You…”
“I do not wish for you to go, to be clear. And I will absolutely fret over you in a manner that will surely be embarrassing. Mother will certainly have my head if she finds out I encouraged you. But as you said… if it were Kate…”
My heart comprehended his meaning before my head, swelling in my chest, leaving no space for anything else, not even air. “Hugh…”
“Be safe about it? Please?”
“You’re really suggesting this? You understand?”
“Not the mechanics of it—and please do not explain. But if there’s one thing I know, you cannot help who you fall in love with. If I could have, it never would have been Katie and that would be the greatest loss of my life.”
“Hugh…” My voice was thick and overwrought. That would not do. My brothers and I did not share sentiment. I shook off the emotion. “Thank Kate for me?”
“For what?”
“Everything. You were unbearable before her.”
