I rose and fell with his heavy breaths. His hand, still tangled in my hair, extricated itself and began the impossible process of smoothing out the snarls.
Eventually my breathing returned to something close to normal and I made to move off him. His arm tightened around my waist, pinning me in place.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“A few inches to the left?” I asked, propping my chin on his chest to peer up at him.
“Right here is perfect.”
“I’m crushing you.”
“You couldn’t crush me if you tried. Stay.”
“But…”
“Stay, love. Not ready for you to be that far.” There it was again, that little crinkle in his eyes that said “I love you” without saying a word. And somehow, his protests made perfect sense. Pressed along his side, a few inches to the left, was much too far away.
I made his wish come true, sprawling out across his chest like a star, purposefully taking as much space as possible.
“Charming,” he murmured.
“You adore me.”
“Not the word I would have chosen, but yes.”
“How do you feel? About everything?”
“Feeling lots of things… adoration as mentioned. A surprising amount of lust considering I may never regain feeling in my lower extremities. Other things I promised not to say until you’re ready to hear them.”
“No regrets?” It wasn’t until I gave voice to the question that I recognized the tightness in my lower spine for the anxiousness that it was. He’d waited years for this moment. A moment he almost certainly planned to have with Adriane. I wasn’t sure I would recover if he regretted having it with me—now—instead.
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “No, love. A few moments there, I was wishing I had a bit more experience, that I knew how to make it good for you. But I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
I propped my chin on his chest. “It was good for me. It was incredible.”
I felt more than heard his chuckle. “Know that, love. Nearly yanked all my hair out enjoying yourself.”
“Sorry…”
“Don’t be. Turns out I like that.”
“What else do you like?”
“Everything. As you well know. Did you— do you like everything?” There was an unasked question behind the words. A vulnerability I wished to soothe. It was not a case of better or worse than Gabriel, but different. A different time, a different place, a different set of circumstances, and most significantly of all, I was not the same girl I had been.
“Ilovedit.” His eyes—closer to navy now—widened, reading the significance in my phrasing. “I’m not ready to say it, not just yet. But I…”
“You’re all right hearing it?” I nodded, my chin resting atop my folded arms on his chest. “I love you, Celine.” It slipped from him in a rush, as if the words were all that was keeping him filled. Now that they were free, he could collapse into the bed beneath him and watch me with soft, loving eyes.
I pressed a kiss to his heart in answer, resting my head above where each beat was infinitesimally slower than the last. They finally leveled out just before I fell asleep in his arms.
Thirty
CADIEUX HOUSE, LONDON - JUNE 17, 1816
WILLIAM
The sunlight was an unwelcome intruder.I had my very own sun, wrapped naked in my arms and half buried under a blanket. What use had I for the one intruding on our morning?
