“Yes, of course.”
“No of course, my Katie. I have taken a great deal of things as a matter of course in our marriage. No more.” That whisper was forceful, a vow—a vow of what, I was not entirely certain.
“I don’t understand.”
His eyes dropped, and his fingers flexed on their home on my jaw. With a deep breath he explained. “For the last year, I have done everything wrong. I have taken from you. Taken things that I assumed were my right as your husband. Those were not my rights. They were gifts for you to bestow on whomever you chose. I hope to become a man worthy of those gifts, to be the one you choose.”
“Hugh…” His name was the only sound I was capable of. My heart was throbbing against my ribcage. The blood ran faster through my ears. I was not prepared for the direction this evening had taken. I was completely out of my depths, and I had no idea how to answer him.
He continued, “I have not earned your trust yet. I know that. I am going to give it everything I have though. I need a promise from you though, if you feel up to making it?” My nod bade him continue. “I need you to promise me that you will only accept my attentions ifyouwant them. Do not welcome me into your bed until you wish for it, my Kate.”
He waswrecked, pupils blown, lips parted and breath harsh. He was wrecked, and I had no notion of it.All this time. Oh, he had been more attentive and considerate, but I never thought… My words hadn’t just affected him, they had destroyed him.
I gave him the only response I was capable of. “I swear it. Never again.” My own vow was just as forceful as his. He needed this from me. His eyes fell closed again, as his breath escaped in a sound of relief.
“Thank you.” His hand fell from my cheek and the absence was stark. I could sense the reluctance when it dropped but I was too shocked to place it back where it belonged. “It is late. I think I will retire for the evening. May I escort you up?” I nodded absently but it was insufficient for him. “It would be… helpful, if you could say the words. I think it would be a good habit for us both.” His gray eyes met mine, beseeching.
“All right, I would like to retire now. The escort would be appreciated. What time would you like to go for a ride tomorrow?”
He offered me his arm but didn’t place my hand in the crook as he would have previously. Instead, he waited for me to settle it there of my own volition. The difference was not lost on me.
“I’m available at your convenience.”
The path through the hall and up the stairs was punctuated only by footsteps. Outside my sitting room, he opened the door for me. Once inside, he paused, hesitating. “I was wondering—that is—would you like me to have a lock installed on your door.” He gestured with the door itself, nodding through my open bedroom door to one that adjoined his. “Would you feel safer?”
Now it was my turn to press a hand to his cheek. “I don’t feel unsafe with you, Hugh. I never have. I don’t need a lock.”
He swallowed heavily, looking as though he might protest. “I promise,” I added. Those two words seemed to appease his concern.
“Well then, I suppose I should bid you goodnight. I will see you in the morning for our ride?”
“I look forward to it.”
“Goodnight, my Kate.”
“Goodnight, my Hugh.” He chuckled at that, before shutting the door between us.
Thirty-Nine
THORNTON HALL, KENT - OCTOBER 21, 1814
HUGH
Sleep was slow to come,and when it did, it was in fits and starts. Michael’s gentle reproach had taken hold thoroughly. Thoughts of Kate, uncomfortable in my arms, refused to be shaken.
I finally abandoned my effort well before dawn in favor of fussing with the ledgers in my study. I did not expect Kate to rise for some time, so I was surprised when she peeked her head into my study. The rest of her hidden behind the door frame, I could only appreciate flushed cheeks, bright eyes, and long silken curls—left unbound today.
“I await your pleasure, my lord.”
I stifled a groan at the thoughts those five words conjured. Neither of us was ready to press last night’s tentative intimacy further.
“Very well. Would you like to head to the stables?”
Her eyes were wide, and her teeth found her lower lip. With a heavy breath, she stepped into the doorway. I was lost.
I had wondered, more than once since our wedding, how I could have found this woman unappealing. That was certainly no longer the case.
Though I had felt the silken skin of her hips and thighs, I had never seen them. I meant to remedy that situation as soon as she allowed it.
