He tried to tug me back down to him, but I couldn’t allow it. Not until I told him everything. I could already feel the tears building.
“Jules, Duchess. It can’t be so bad as all that. Tell me.”
I could not find the words. After a full minute of starting and aborting the attempt, words abandoned me. Finally, I blurted out, “I’m infertile.”
His only response was a slow blink.
“You cannot want to marry me. I cannot provide you with children.”
Still unsuccessful in his effort to pull me back to his arms, he sat up with me. When I refused to meet his eyes, he tucked his fist under my chin, gently directing me to look at him. “Why do you think you’re infertile?”
“My father said it was likely. My mother was only able to conceive me.”
He swallowed, and his head dipped back with his eyes closed, and my heart broke. Right down the middle.
I could not possibly stay in this bed while he rejected me. Struggling to free myself from the covers, he startled.
“Where are you going?”
I could not stop the tears now. “I understand. You don’t need to say anything. I’ll leave…” He tugged me back, strong arms caging me to his chest.
“Don’t you dare leave this bed.”
“But you’re mad.”
“Damn it all, Jules. I’m mad at your father, not you.”
“What?”
“I’m mad because it’s not always the woman. Men can be infertile, too. Your father had two wives unable to bear children after many years of trying, so the only commonality was him. There’s no reason to think you can’t have as many children as you wish. That your mother wouldn’t have had many children with a different husband.
“But I feel I need to explain. I loveyou, not your ability or inability to offer me children. I will love you just as much if we have ten children or two or none.”
It was all I could do to bury my face into my chest as the tears poured out, the relief escaping in the only way it could.
“Now, my beautiful Duchess, I am perfectly content to never think of your father in this or any other bed. Is that acceptable?”
I nodded against his chest, enthusiastic. Gathering myself enough, I pulled free. He wiped the remaining tears with a thumb, and my heart swelled with affection.
Assured of my composure, he settled back against the pillows, and I allowed him to pull me into his embrace.
“Now, where were we before you decided to give me a small fit of apoplexy?”
“The process of making children.”
“Ah, yes.” He was running his fingers through my hair and it was so comforting. “It doesn’t have to happen between a husband and wife. It can happen between unmarried couples as well. If I were to take the part of me that was hard before, and enter the place inside you until I spend, a child could result. There are ways to lessen the chances, but the only way to be sure is for me not to enter you.”
“Why is it hard no longer?”
His smile was wry. “I don’t find it particularly arousing watching the woman I love try to escape my bed in tears.”
“But it will become hard again?”
“Yes, and as charming as your priorities are, I want to be sure you understand the choices before us and the consequences for those decisions.” He focused mostly on the canopy above me as he explained the process, his teasing is only mild at my questioning. “I fully intend to apply for a special license in the morn if that impacts your decision in any way.”
“You do?”
“As long as you approve. I’ve spent far too much time without you these last weeks. Also, if I remember correctly, your trousseau should be all but completed by now.”
