No luck then. He gestured toward the bridge beside me, and my ingrained manners answered with an automatic nod before I could refuse him. He sat silently, matching my position, legs resting over the side. He was tall, his legs long enough that his boots skimmed the top of the water. He set his hat beside him before beginning.
“I’ve always loved this place. I was so impressed when Michael built it.”
“Michael made it?”
“Yes, one summer before Father passed. When my mother was being particularly rough on him.”
“He never told me.”
He just shook his head in response.“Of course not. I take it he’s gone?”
I tried to form the “yes” but my voice cracked. Suddenly, the flood of tears that had been only a trickle before broke free, and before I knew it I was sobbing. Tom pulled me into his chest where I blubbered into his fine linen shirt. Without realization or understanding I was voicing all my questions.
“What did I do wrong? Why did he leave? Why am I not enough for him? Why am I not enough for anyone?”
Tom’s response was little more than a gentle shushing.
“Do you know the worst of it? I wasn’t surprised. Some part of me knew he wouldn’t be there this morning. I tried to ignore it, but it was there.”
“I love my brother. He’s been a father to me. But he’s not a perfect man. He’s quick to run away. He ran from here when mother was difficult. He ran to his club when Hugh was too much. Now he’s running again.”
“I’m too much? Is that it?”
“No, but you are affianced, Lady Juliet. To a duke. The title would be a concern for him. I’m confident he’s convinced himself that Rosehill can make you happier than he can and he is leaving before you get too invested.”
“Too late, and just Juliet, please.” At some point, my tears dried and I pulled free from his shirt.
“I’m sorry to hear that. In some ways he’s right. Rosehill can give you a life of respectability my brother would never be able to offer. You would never again be accepted in polite society if you broke an engagement. Let alone for a man such as my brother.”
“I don’t care a fig for society.”
“You say that now, but you’ve never been rejected by the ton. You don’t know the consequences. To be snubbed by people who now curry your favor. It’s not a burden every woman could endure. I suspect that is why he’s never seriously courted anyone. You’re everything society could want in a lady, and you’ve worked hard to become so. Are you truly willing to give that up?”
“Yes…” I intended a certain tone, but the result was more unsure than I liked. Tom’s brow rose again, clearly finding my enthusiasm wanting.
“Consider it. There’s no wrong answer.” He rose abruptly, brushing off non-existent dust and retrieving his hat. He offered me a hand. “May I escort you back inside?”
I shook my head. “No, thank you. I think I’ll stay a while longer.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “If you’ve not returned by midday, I will be back for you.”
I gave him my thanks before I returned to staring at the water. As much as I loathed to admit it, Tom wasn’t wrong. I hadn’t truly considered the implications of my feelings for Michael. I had stubbornly refused to think of His Grace, to recognize what a marriage to the most notorious club owner in London would mean. My father would never speak to me again. As much as the thought appealed to me frequently, would the reality cut deeper? I would never be invited to another ball, never accepted into another drawing room. The rest of my life would very much follow the trajectory of the last several years, nursing Sophie, and mourning. A life perpetually watching from the outside. Of course, all of these thoughts were in vain. Michael had made me no offer, no promise.
* * *
MICHAEL
I’d switched to the cheapScotch several glasses ago but hadn’t found the taste particularly objectionable. I was down £150 to a Baron Something-Or-Other but there was little cause for concern. Someone must have alerted Augie to my return, because he came out of the office looking rather flushed. He took one look at me and sent Baron What’s-His-Name away with a promise of payment and dragged me off to my study. I didn’t recall the walls of my club being so prone to switching with the floor and ceiling but I had been away some time.
“I was just about to take Baron Pompous-Face for all he had. Why did you pull me away?” My enunciation was spectacular, if I did say so myself. I expected a bit more slurring with the six… seven drinks I’d enjoyed.
Augie set me down in my office chair and the walls and floor did their spin once again before righting into a consistent swirl.
“The Earl of Southerton and I saw your hand. You had nothing. Why are you back? You weren’t supposed to return for another fortnight.”
One of the two Augies seemed disappointed in me so I directed my response to the other.
“Hugh kindly reminded me that the woman I’m in love with is betrothed to a duke, and I’m nothing more than a viscount’s by-blow. That I can offer her nothing except ruin and humiliation.”
