Those three words, and my stomach sank. I never considered Juliet would be the subject of this lecture. I deserved any flagellation he offered, but my pride could not abide its source. Instead, choosing to needle him, I asked, “Who is engaged, Hugh?”
“You know damn well who! She is engaged and here as my guest, under my protection.”
Hugh had a tight leash on his temper, but it was there now, boiling under the surface, evident in his strained tone.
“Oh, Lady Juliet? I hadn’t heard she was affianced. What of it?”
“You spend hours each day with her. Alone. I assumed you were in the rose garden, but I learned today that none of the servants know where you take her. Tell me!”
His face was getting tighter, but I welcomed his anger. I deserved it. I encouraged it.
“Here and there,” I offered with a studied indifference.
“Damn it all, Michael. This is not a joke. If anyone were to catch even a hint of this… You would ruin that girl!”
“Catch what? What exactly am I going to do to her?” The lie tasted like ash in my mouth. Exactly what I had already done. But the self-loathing part of me needed to hear it from someone else.
“You know damn well what you’re going to do to her! Even being seen with you is enough in some circles.”
Hugh was losing control now, growing louder with his anger, unable to keep his seat in his rage. In this, we were opposites.
“Let’s not be coy here, Hugh. Say it.” The words were little more than a hiss. I abandoned my casual stance, stalking to the desk.
“You’re a bastard! Everyone knows it. All of London! You’re a dishonorable bastard whose own living comes at the expense of the gullibility and dishonor of others.”
He called me a bastard once before father died. I hit him once, just once and never again. The switching the viscountess insisted on had left an impression on me. I was going to hit him now though, consequences be damned.
Then he finished. “She is not for you!”
Just like that the fight went out of me.
That summed the situation up nicely. Everything I had been striving not to think of since the moment we left the clearing. Juliet wasn’t mine. She would never be mine. I could not give her the things she needed, let alone the things she deserved. My place was never at her side. I crumpled into the chair he had originally indicated. He remained standing, fists clenched, braced for the punch that wouldn’t come.
His expression shifted to something dumbfounded. It would have made me laugh if I weren’t so disgusted with myself.
“Sit.” My throat was tight, but I shoved the word out with a nod toward the chair.
He was still tense as he took the seat, waiting for the ploy.
“I’m not going to hit you.” Even to my own ears I sounded defeated.
“What just happened?”
“You won.”
“What?”
“You won. You can wipe the befuddled look off your face now.” I cradled my head in my hand. There was a throbbing behind my eyes, and I was exhausted.
“I do not know what I have won.” His tone was cautious as he finally sat.
“You’re right. I’m spending too much time with her. Unchaperoned. I just…. I can’t stay away from her, Hugh.” It was the first time I had ever said such a thing outside of my own head. The relief the confession brought was accompanied by nausea.
“Oh, lord.”
“You have the right of it.”
“Michael, I had no idea. I thought you were toying with her. Perhaps to get at her father.”
