“You are?”
He shifted closer still.
“Some days, I wonder what would have happened if I had found your father before he made his agreement with Rosehill. Would he have offered you as payment for his debts? Would I have been strong enough to resist?”
“What have you decided?”
“I’m not a good man, Duchess. I’m not in the practice of self-denial. But, I prefer my women willing and eager.”
A delicious thrill ran through me at the turn of this conversation.
“So, you would have had me for your own?”
“I’m not certain. I worry your interest at the moment is primarily because I am not your fiancé. If we were betrothed, perhaps you would feel about me the way you do Rosehill now.”
“Never.” It was a vow I made to him, and he swallowed in response to my certainty.
His fingers tucked around my jaw and pulled me closer. My breath caught at the certainty that he was going to kiss me. And he did. Just not where I was desperate for him. Instead, he dropped a soft press to my forehead before releasing me and pulling back entirely—the sudden distance between us a chasm. I didn’t know how to cross it or how to reclaim the ground.
“I suppose we’ll never know. You should return to bed now, little Duchess, while I still have the strength to let you go.”
“But…” Ignoring my protestations, he stood and grabbed my candle and pressed it into my hand. He strode over to the door, holding it and brokering no arguments. Unsteady, I reached him, turning to meet his gaze one last time.
“Good night, Juliet.” There was a force behind his whisper, urging me away from him, pushing me a step back.
He shut the door gently behind me, and I was left gaping at it in the still-chilled hall, until I could bring myself to leave him. I did not find sleep any easier when I returned to my bed. This time, thoughts of his haunted gaze kept me awake.
Sixteen
THORNTON HALL, KENT - APRIL 24, 1814
MICHAEL
I spentthe afternoon visiting tenants. It was not in a thinly veiled attempt to avoid Agatha’s arrival. When I finally returned from my contemplative ride, the entire party was already entering the dining room. I trudged behind them, dragging my feet all the while. Juliet’s bright smile at the sight of me was almost enough to counteract the irritation at Agatha’s disgruntled squawk.
The dowager’s distress at my existence served as a distraction. It was long enough for Kate to reach her place at the foot of the table without the usual tactless display from Agatha. Kate offered me a grateful smile. I ignored Agatha in favor of Tom’s warm greeting before sitting. Kate had been kind to me, seating me across from Juliet and next to Tom.
“Where have you been all day?” Hugh queried distractedly, examining his soup with interest.
“I went for a ride, visited with a few tenants.” My response was terser than I intended.
The day’s events had left me more drained than I had realized. I took a hearty sip of wine in an attempt to rally for the coming spat with Agatha. I was hopeful Hugh would leave off tonight. I didn’t have the stamina for battle on two fronts.
“Why are you visiting tenants? This isn’t your estate.”
It was to be enemies on every side, then.
I replied into my soup, hoping to blend into the wallpaper, “I lived here for the better part of seventeen years, Hugh. They’re friends.” I was too weary for whatever fight Hugh was itching to start.
“What are you doing befriending tenants? You were a ward of the lord.”
I refused to be baited, to let him know precisely when I became friends with his tenants—when I was running his estate for him. When I pulled the Tanner girl from their burning home. When I held down Matthew Lucas when the surgeon set his leg. Every year when I helped the Smiths till their field. Instead, I hedged, “You know me, friends everywhere.”
Agatha’s caw at that was even more peeved than the last. She was becoming more bird-like in her advancing years. “In the gutter,” she added, not quite under her breath.
“Unseasonably warm weather we’re having this year. Is it not?” Tom threw the observation out. He was too loud, hoping to cover his mother’s comment. It was ineffective but appreciated nonetheless. Tom was the best of all brothers.
Juliet and Kate agreed with far more alacrity than the statement deserved. The former even went so far as to discuss the late freeze the year before. That distraction wouldn’t last long, but I was grateful for the effort.
