The idea of just walking away is extremely attractive, more so now than it was the day before. Now that I have a child to protect, getting as far away from Sakesh as possible seems like a very smart idea, and the stress of being with a man who can’t love me certainly won’t do my baby any good.
But my child deserves to know their father. If I leave, I’d have to lie—about everything.
I’d end up keeping my magic a secret if I lived in the human world, and I’d be more of an outcast than ever before. It would only be a matter of time before my kid started asking questions, and they’d be an outcast, too, with secrets to keep.
The idea is so unbearable that fresh tears trickle down my cheeks. Whatever I’ll have to suffer here, it would never be as bad as my child struggling to fit in with humans and eventually coming back here, anyway.
And hating me for lying. And running. And not telling Dan.
For a few minutes, I entertain the idea that maybe our child would be completely ordinary, without much power, and would fit in well in the human world. I can’t think about that for long before a sarcastic giggle cackles out of me.
The child of an alpha wolf and a powerful witch, conceived in a magical event, fighting against an ancient god. Good one, Grace.
The only thing left to do is talk to Dan, and I have no idea where to start. Even though weeks have gone by, we’ve barely said three words to each other, and I’m getting a vibe from him that he’s very comfortable like this and doesn’t want to talk or change the situation.
And the ache in my chest has not faded. I still can’t believe the way he turned on me after what we shared. To be so open, heart and soul, then have him close off from me… it was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.
The thought strikes me that trying to talk to him about our child might be far more painful, depending on how he takes the news.
What if we just keep going on as we are… oh, goddess, what if I can’t ever be close to him again, even while I’m holding our baby in my arms?
A low sob rises in my throat, forcing more tears down my cheeks. I have every confidence that he would be there for his child, but the idea of the rift between us staying this wide, even while we raise a child together, tears my chest in two.
“Grace?”
I jump so high that I bang my knees on the kitchen table. When I look up and see Dan in the doorway, I realize I’ve sathere so long, thinking about my problems, dawn has come, and it’s almost time to go out to the pack.
“Were you making breakfast this morning or…?” Dan lets the question trail off.
“I’m not very hungry,” I reply. “Maybe just a piece of toast for me.”
“Coffee?” he asks, going to the counter.
“No.”
Dan turns around slowly and looks at me, cocking his head to the side.
“Seriously? No coffee?”
“No, thanks.”
Dan’s eyes widen as if he has a million questions, but he just turns back to the counter and sets up the coffee for himself. I tilt the tea cup towards me, looking at the leaves again.
No mistaking it. Even if I didn’t believe the spell, I could feel the little flicker of light inside me.
“I see you’ve got tea,” Dan says. “Did you want me to put on some toast?”
“No,” I answer firmly. “I couldn’t handle smelling the charcoal. I’m going upstairs to get dressed.”
I turn and leave the kitchen, mentally cursing myself.
Great job, Grace! You really opened up a deep emotional connection with him so you can talk about the important issues in your life.
I try to go easy on myself as I get ready for the day, and by the time I return to the kitchen, I’m hungry enough to eat a piece of toast and have some tea. Dan eats his own food withoutlooking up, and when it’s time to go, he stands by the table and waits for me, which is our usual routine.
I take my time, trying desperately to think of a way to open the subject before we leave, but struggling to find the words. Every time I open my mouth, I feel like I’m about to jump off a cliff, and the stress only churns my stomach further.
If you want me to make nice with your dad, kid, you might want to ease up on stirring my stomach.
