I open my mouth to say something—anything—that might make her pause, but the words won’t come, and I know I’m too late. She turns away from me, and when she lets go of my hand, my heart sinks in my chest.
Chapter 20 - Grace
I can feel the tension in the air as I walk across the front lawn, a great wealth of words yet unsaid. Even after my talk with Alisha, I’m just not ready to hear it, and I let go of Dan’s hand to go inside and head straight to the kitchen.
He stands in the hall for a moment, and I can still sense the anticipation, as if he can’t walk away without saying something. I keep my back to him and pour myself a glass of wine, mentally pushing him away as hard as I can.
Don’t. Just don’t.
As if my thoughts and feelings are a palpable force, Dan turns away, and I hear him go up to the shower. I stand by the stove and take a couple of long sips of the cold white wine, letting it soothe me.
I better get dinner started before he tries to help.
By the time he gets back, the sauce is nearly done and I’m draining the spaghetti. Standing over the sink, I keep my eyes on the task and refuse to look up.
“Oh, you’re nearly done,” he says, his tone light and impersonal, as if he’s ordering at a restaurant. “I’ll do the bread. Would you like salad?”
“Sure,” I mutter, still not looking up.
As he gets out the bread and butter, I see him mangling the rolls again, and I have to put in a concentrated effort not to completely lose my shit.
How could he have done it perfectly and now fuck it up again? Did he not learn anything?
Practically biting my tongue, I toss the pasta and get ready to serve it. When I turn around, Dan is shredding some lettuce and trying to slice vegetables, somehow getting green leaves all over the counter and chopping tomatoes into huge chunks instead of slices.
“Dan,” I say, barely controlling my voice. “What are you doing?”
“Isn’t this right?”
“No, you’re just making a mess!”
“Okay. How can I fix it?”
“Look, just don’t worry about it,” I sigh. “I’ll fix it. Please, get out of my way.”
Dan looks at me, and I try not to look directly at him, but I fail miserably and end up staring straight into his big, sapphire blue eyes.
Like the ultimate betrayal, they look wide and deep, as if his soul is begging me to dive in and search for the treasures he spent his whole life hiding. Light glints within, hinting at intense emotions that he feels with every fiber of his being, but doesn’t know how to express.
Stop it! You’re imagining depth that isn’t there! You’d make any excuse to make up with him now, and you’ll just get hurt even worse.
“Go and sit down,” I say firmly. “I’ll finish.”
“Okay,” he mumbles, stepping away from the counter.
I put the pasta on hold and throw out most of his effort for the compost, breaking up a bit more lettuce and slicing the vegetables.
I’m still simmering with frustration when Dan returns to help set the table, and I’m thankful he can do that without destroying the kitchen or spoiling the food. By the time we sit down, my emotions are such a tangled mess, I wouldn’t know what to say even if I wanted to speak to him.
And I don’t.
Even though I promised Alisha I’d try my best to give Dan space and talk to him, being back in the house, completely alone with him, has triggered intense memories from the night before. The beauty of our connection clashes harshly against this morning’s silence, and I can’t understand how he could treat me like that after what we shared.
The power we raised was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I can still feel it, hovering in my soul, running in my blood.
I can’t wait to share this news with the coven and hear what they think.
Thoughts of my sisters only drive a splinter of anger even deeper into my chest, because it was their insistence that put me in this situation in the first place.
