“Okay,” she says, almost choking on the word.
I keep my head down, hoping that if I refuse to acknowledge her pain, she will understand how this has to be and get over it in her own time.
I can’t be a part of magic… and I can’t get so close to someone, it blurs my judgment. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am, but what I’m doing is the kindest thing for both of us.
Chapter 18 - Grace
When I wake in an empty bed, there isn’t even the slightest hint of fear in me. I can feel Dan’s presence nearby, and I know that after last night, we can never truly be apart again.
If he were on the other side of the planet, I’d still be able to feel the beat of his heart and taste him on my lips.
I hear his footsteps in the hall, then the sounds of him in the kitchen. A little smile creeps across my face as I realize I don’t give a damn if he sets the kitchen on fire anymore.
I don’t even care if he screws up making coffee, and that’s saying something!
I take my time getting up, cherishing every ache in my body as a memory of the night before. I’m amazed to see I’m not injured at all, not a single scratch or bruise.
How do you like that, Sakesh? You wanted me to come into my power—how does it taste?
The thought taints my good mood slightly as I realize I don’t know if I can explain everything to Dan yet. The coven hasn’t given me the go-ahead to reveal all our secrets, but it seems wrong to keep it to myself now that Dan and I have come together and used our joined power to fight the ancient evil.
As I get ready for the day, I think seriously about what I should do. I send out tendrils of power, hoping to reach Kyra, but there is no response.
I can’t feel her at all. That seems strange…surely after last night, she can hear me, and I’ll be able to respond now that I have more power.
I’m still confused as I finish with my shower and get dressed, but I’m so excited to see Dan that I don’t think muchabout it. It will be easy enough to avoid the details for now, and I’m much more interested in spending time with him than deconstructing our encounter with the snake.
As I tie my hair back with a blue ribbon, I see myself in the mirror and giggle in a way I haven’t for far too long. I know I’m overly giddy and not grounded at all, but I feel so free and happy, I don’t even care.
I practically float down the stairs, hurrying over to Dan, where he sits at the kitchen table. As I approach, I expect him to lean back and smile at me, so it’s surprising when he keeps his eyes down. I kiss him on the cheek, disappointed that he didn’t want to give me a good morning kiss.
When he replies to me with a single word in a hard tone, I step back from him quickly, suddenly feeling the energy in the room.
It feels… heavy. Like I can’t move, can barely breathe. It’s like being in a tiny cage where the bars have blades. If I struggle, I’ll get cut to shreds.
For a few seconds, I just stare at him, hoping desperately that something will change. My heart constricts in my chest as if it’s tearing itself to pieces while I watch him keep his head down. I silently beg him to look up at me with his beautiful blue eyes.
And if he did, would they be deep, fathomless pools of discovery, or ice-cold daggers locking me out?
The thought scares me so badly, I turn away and make a cup of coffee, trying to hold in the scream growing beneath my ribs. My body is still humming with a satisfied glow from the night before, as if parts of me just want to jump straight into his lap.
Okay. At least one part of me wants that. Obviously, it hasn’t gotten the message my panicked heart is sending it.
My hand shakes as I pick up the coffee cup, so I put it down again and grab the edge of the counter, using the pain to ground myself. I force a deep breath into my lungs and hold it, waiting for the stress signals in my body to settle before I try to move.
When I turn around, I see Dan’s made some attempt to serve breakfast, and I have to wonder why he bothered.
Why do anything nice for me, ever again? He took the most powerful, wonderful event of my life and shattered it into a thousand pieces, but sure, have some yogurt and fruit, Grace, that’ll make up for everything!
As I sit down and sip my coffee, I keep taking slow breaths, but my emotions continue to boil. When Dan suggests we go, I just get up from the table and walk out, not bothering to say anything or put away breakfast. I hear him clatter around in the kitchen a bit before he follows me, but I keep taking long, quick strides so he’ll have to run to keep up with me.
I still just can’t believe this. What the fuck happened?
A tear slides down my cheek, and I wipe it away roughly.
I know what happened. He’s a dumb, slow brute who isn’t capable of understanding an experience like that. It was too much for him, and he can’t meet me on my level, so he’s going to push me away like a coward.
A red-hot fury rises in me, so strong that my vision wavers.
