For a few moments, we lay side by side until I start to become painfully aware of how uncomfortable the ground is. I get up slowly, helping Grace to her feet. She smiles at me, and the connection I feel with her spreads straight to my chest like a warm glow.
I stroke her hair, shaking my head a little. She giggles and hugs me, leaning her cheek against my chest. I hold her gently, my arms wrapped around her as her scent floods my nose, leaving my mind clear of everything except my powerful feeling of belonging.
We walk back to the house together, not saying a word, but touching each other as much as possible the whole time. When we get home and lay down in bed, we look at each other for a long while, her eyes glittering like stars that have been scattered in the void, the light in the darkness that never fades.
Sleep takes me, a dark wave that rises and swallows me suddenly, as if my body has completely reached its limit.
***
When I wake hours later, at first, I’m not sure where I am. Then I look down and see Grace lying in my arms.
There is a moment of warmth and tenderness that is swiftly obliterated by panic. The events of the night before crash through my head, knocking the breath from my lungs.
The snake—magic—oh my God. So much fucking magic!
A shudder runs through me, and I practically leap out of bed, trying to get as far away from Grace as possible. The sight of her curled up sleeping makes my heart ache with care for her, but my fear rages into my heart, chasing everything else away.
I almost bolt for the shower, turning the water on hard and hot. I scrub my skin like I can get the magic off me, but I can feel it running in my blood, soaking into my bones. As I examine myself all over, I remember seeing my own burned skin, blackened edges peeling away as my body blistered and melted.
Fuck.
When I stagger out of the shower, I clear the mist from the mirror, tilting my head back and forth to look at my face. There isn’t a single mark on me. It’s as if I were never injured at all.
But I remember it. I remember seeing my hands burn away, the bones poking through. Then Grace grabbed me—
The force that shocked through me in that moment was like nothing I’d ever felt before. At the time, it was intoxicating, and watching Grace wield incredible power while connected to me left me full of wonder, like watching the birth of a goddess.
Now it’s the light of day, and I have to do ordinary things like go out and deal with pack business, and I don’t know how you just go out and act normal after something like that.
The sex blew my mind. I’ve never felt pleasure like that, or such a strong connection with a human being. But instead of making me feel better about the encounter, I feel worse.
I shouldn’t have gotten so close to her. It’s just going to make things more difficult, because I can’t open myself up like this. If I’m vulnerable, if I care too much, I can’t protect anyone.
It’ll be the same as it was with my family all over again.
The faint touch of magic in my veins still makes me feel violated, so I hurry downstairs to make coffee and breakfast, hoping the mundane tasks will distract me. It puts distance between my conscious reasoning and the insanity of the night before, which soothes my nerves.
When I hear Grace get up and go to the shower, my nerves jangle all over again, making sweat break out on my sides. I know I’m too keyed up to cook, and the last thing I want is another confrontation, so I just put some fruit, granola, and yogurt on the table.
I made the coffee at least. I can do that without utter disaster.
I pick at the food, surprised that I don’t have much appetite after last night. When I hear Grace’s footsteps in the hall, my stomach flips again. As she walks through the door, tension rises in me until my chest feels like a balloon about to burst.
“Good morning,” she says, a sweet smile on her face. She walks over to me, wraps her arm around my shoulders, and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“Morning,” I mutter, keeping my eyes on my cup.
Grace steps back, and I can feel the energy change in the room. I glance up and see her looking at me with concern, her gray eyes wide and shimmering.
I try to look away, but her beauty captivates me, as it always has. She is especially lovely today, her slender curves wrapped in a light blue dress of thin fabric that clings to her shape but flows freely about her legs. Her long blond hair is swept up in a ponytail that makes her seem young and innocent.
“Everything okay?” she asks, and I can hear the hurt in her voice.
“Fine,” I answer. “You'd better have your coffee if you want it. We have work to do today.”
She takes a big step back from me, and I force myself not to look up.
I can’t bear to see the hurt in her eyes, but Grace, you don’t understand. It has to be this way. I can’t do this.
