“Sailor,fuck!”
He jerks away, and I blink through the dark, trying to see where he is, but there’s nothing there.
“Jaxon,” I whisper, but all I’m met with in return are soft whimpers.
I hop off the desk, fix my pants, and reach forward. My hand lands on his trembling chest, and I slide it down to take his hand. I use it to guide me toward him, and I walk forward until my arms are around his waist and my cheek is resting on his chest.
“It’s okay,” I tell him softly. “Everything is okay.
His arms come around me, squeezing me tightly as his body continues to shake. It’s a long time before we pull apart.
The storm has gone, and it’s deep into the night, a calmness to the world around us now. The clouds are gone, leaving a clear sky and a bright moon in its wake. Jaxon found us chairs and set them up by the window that looks down over my car. We’ve been sitting in silence for a while. I keep sneaking glances at him, but he doesn’t seem to know I’m here.
His elbows rest on his knees, hands clasped together, head hung low. Every now and then, he’ll shake it, as if he’s just thought of something ridiculous, but neither of us has spoken a word.
I want to, I’m just not sure what to say. Still, I should try. Someone has to, or we will get nowhere. I knew all of this coming in, that we would have to talk to one another, and I knew I may have to be the one to do it.
“Are you going to talk to me?” I ask.
He raises his head slowly, but doesn’t straighten his back, to look at me. He looks devastated. Such a wreck. I never thought I’d see him like this.
Blinking slowly, he searches my face. For what? I don’t know. But I sit there and let him, because obviously he needs this.
Finally, he says, “How long have you known?”
“Not long. Couple months.”
“How did you find out?”
“Does it matter?” He holds my stare. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just a long and involved story. It’s going to leadinto a much bigger discussion, that honestly, I don’t want to have here.” I look around the room.
“Are you mad?” he asks then.
“No. Are you?”
“No,” he says, giving a slight shake of his head. He frowns, and I want to jump into his arms and hug him. He looks like a sad, lost little boy. “I’m relieved, honestly.”
“Why did you do it?” I ask.
“Does it matter?” He smirks, and I can’t help but smile.
I’m grateful for the lightened mood. It was getting heavy.
“Can I make a suggestion?” I say cautiously.
“Of course.”
I lick my lips, shifting in my seat. I won’t say that it’s awkward between Jaxon and I right now, because it isn’t, but everything is so… fragile. Vulnerable. Confusing. I don’t know where we stand, and this is a huge thing for us. Everything coming out. The emotions. The vulnerabilities. It’s a lot. We’ve never done this before, and I’m not sure either of us knows how to navigate it with each other.
“I think we should go home. Sleep. Eat. Pick this back up in the morning.”
His frown deepens. “You want to leave me already?” It’s almost a growl.
I can’t help but smile. I get to my feet and walk toward him, holding out my hand. “I meant together.”
He stares at my hand like he doesn’t know what it is, before he finally takes it and gets to his feet. He yanks me to him, pulling me into a hug and kissing the top of my head.
“I have so much I want to tell you, so much to say.” He kisses me again. “I missed you. I want to tell you everything. And we willneverbe apart again.”
