His words echo in my head all the way back home, because I know theherhe mentioned isn’t my mother.
Chapter Nineteen
Sailor
Now that Amelia knows everything, there’s no use in hiding anything else. So I spill absolutely everything as quickly as I can over our lunch break on Monday.
I took more classes this semester to make sure I stay busy. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I have a two-hour break during lunch, after my morning class, which gives me and Amelia plenty of time to meet up.
“So, starting fresh seems like the best thing for you,” she says, reaching for her iced latte.
“I sure hope so.”
“Have you talked to Sam at all?”
“No,” I say with a shake of my head. “Not sure I want to.”
“I can understand that. I mean, he was definitely being an ass and a creep, but maybe something is going on with him?”
“Yeah…” I say absently.
I thought that too. How did things get so crazy with us? They used to be so good, and then suddenly… they weren’t. It’s like heturned into a different person. He didn’t even look the same… he looked sick.
“But it’s not your problem,’ Amelia says firmly. “You have your own life to worry about, and he’s an adult. If he has shit going on, he needs to work it out.”
I smile, despite myself, because even though I agree with her, part of me is still upset by this whole thing. Sam and I were good friends, and maybe it is my fault for screwing it all up and not telling him how I felt sooner. But to be fair, I didn’t realize how I was feeling until things changed. I was happy with the way they were, and thought I wanted more… and you only know something until you know something different. So maybe it’s my fault, but not intentionally. I never wanted to hurt Sam, and I certainly didn’t want to hurt myself, so… there’s not much I can do about it now but deal with it. Hopefully, whatever is going on with him, he’ll figure it out and we can be friends again one day.
“And what about Jaxon?” Amelia asks with a raised brow.
“What about him?”
“Still nothing?”
“Still nothing,” I say quickly.
Too quickly, it seems, because Amelia gives me an odd look.
“What?” I ask, picking off a small piece off my blueberry muffin to pop into my mouth.
“Just curious about how things went, is all. I mean, I know you mentioned this new guy, but what’s going to come of that? Are you just going to mess around with random guys, or—”
“I’m not trying to settle down,” I say a little too sharply.
“And I’m not judging you, Sailor,” she says gently. “I go to parties every week, and have hooked up with two guys since being here. We’re friends, and I’m just saying…”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I think you still care about Jaxon, and that’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. He… did something really bad.”
“Well, we all make mistakes. Have you talked to him about it?”
“Of course not. I told you he didn’t text me.”
“Why haven’t you texted him?”
I hold her gaze, unable to even blink as my brain goes completely silent and blank.
