“Well, no…” He’s not wrong. I feel the tension between us, and it’s only growing. I thought coming here would be a good idea. I thought it would be like rooming with a friend. I didn’t expect him to be like this. I didn’t think things would get so bad. “I’m sorry. I just have a lot going on.”
“Do you, though? Because you’ve been here for weeks and still haven’t told me why you came at all.”
I frown. “You said it didn’t matter when I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, well,” he mutters. “I’m starting to wonder if anything happened at all.”
My jaw drops, and I stare at him, at a loss for words. I jump to my feet, anger coursing through me. “Why are you being so mean?” I turn to leave before I start to cry, because I’m so mad, but he grabs my wrist. I turn back, ready to lay into him, when I see pain in his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He gets to his feet, still holding onto my wrist. “I’m sorry, Sailor. That was mean. This is just hard for me.”
“Well, so is what I’m going through,” I say through tears that I can’t stop. “And I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t. And I thought you were being a good friend by letting me stay here while I work through it. I didn’t think you’d hold it over my head!”
“That’s what I’m trying to do.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Be a good friend. I’m sorry.”
I search his face, and nothing tells me he’s lying. He actually seems sorry. Maybe he’s going through some stuff, and he’s stressed out too.
“It’s okay,” I say softly, even though it’s not. But I don’t want to fight with him or make him any angrier or upset than he already is.
He opens his arms for a hug, and I hesitate before leaning into him.
He smells good, his body warm and firm. I remember what it felt like when I thought I loved him… and I remember what it felt like when I realized I loved Jaxon.
Sometimes, especially now, I wonder if I loved Sam at all. Or if I just loved the idea of having someone. I was used to being alone. Everyone in my life that I loved died. And my mother left me long before she died because she was so hurt by my fatherdying. I’ve never had someone be there for me always… not until Sam.
But the way I felt about him is nothing compared to what I feel for Jaxon.
Felt for Jaxon.
Still feel?
With Jaxon, it’s an inferno. A blaze that’s building and building with no end in sight. An uncontrollable fire with a mind of its own.
As I’m standing here now, hugging Sam, I feel nothing. At least, not in a sexual way. I care about him. I’ve known him forever. But… this is like… a brother.
That’s what it is. The love I feel for Sam is just that.
For some reason, that makes me feel better about this entire thing, and I hug him a little tighter. His hands press against my back, his head resting on top of mine.
I pull back and look up at him with a smile. “Thank y—”
My word is cut off by Sam’s lips against mine, and it takes far too long for me to realize what’s happening. I jerk back, out of his hold, and stare at him in confusion.
“Sam, what the hell?” I bark.
“I thought—”
“How many times do I have to say that I don’t see us like that?” I scoff, and hurry past him to get my laptop from the desk, then storm into the bedroom and lock the door. I expect him to come after me and apologize, but he doesn’t.
In fact, moments later, I hear the front door open and close.
Only then can I breathe, but I’m still so angry. I give him an inch, and he takes a mile.
Will he ever get it?
Chapter Thirteen
Sailor
