I stop at the couch on my way to Sailor’s room and stare down at Sam with a mix of emotions. Pity and anger being at the forefront. I see what he does in the shower, and I know what he’s thinking about while he stares at the shared wall to Sailor’s room and jerks off. Even moans her name sometimes. I consider choking him out, suffocating him with the pillow, slitting histhroat. I could get away with any of those things. I could kill him right here, right now, and no one would know what happened. But that would traumatize Sailor, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
I could kidnap him. That would be easier on her. At least she wouldn’t have to wake up to a dead person…
But no.
Sam will live—for now.
It’s only a few steps past the couch to reach the bedroom, and I press my ear to the door before opening it. She could have woken up by the time I got down here, but that’s a risk I am willing to take.
This door squeaks softly as it opens, and I slip inside once it’s wide enough.
And I can’t fucking breathe.
I haven’t been this close to her in weeks.
Weeks.
Gritting my teeth, I will my heart to calm the fuck down. I can’t mess this up. I have to stay calm, so I don’t ruin it.
But she’s right there. She’s so close. I could touch her.
But I can’t. I told her from the beginning that consent was important, even if it was the consensual non-consent type.
She doesn’t want this right now. But she will.
Oh, she will. We’ve already talked about it. It’s only a matter of time before she takes that final step, and gives me a date.
I do nothing but stand there and stare, my feet rooted to the floor. If I try to take another step forward, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop, and that will be a disaster.
I lose track of time as I watch her sleep. Through the darkness, it’s hard to make out her features, but she seems peaceful. Her breathing is soft and even. She’s lying comfortably, not tossing and turning.
“I miss you,” I breathe out past the lump in my throat, my voice scratchy and rough. My nails dig into my palms as I squeeze my fists shut, screaming at myself to turn around and leave.
Soon. Soon enough, I’ll have her again. I have to be patient. It takes everything in me to pull the door open again and step over the threshold.
I take a moment to compose myself, before rushing out of the apartment and racing for the elevator.
I thought seeing her, being close to her, would help. I thought it would scratch the itch. I thought it would help me get through the days, make the time pass quicker. But all it did was dig the knife deeper into my heart.
I miss my little dove.
And I fucking want her back.
Chapter Nine
Sailor
My phone rings, and I know I should answer it. I’ve been texting with Amelia for days, and it’s only fair I talk to her now that she’s calling. I’m just not in the mood totalk.
Still, it’s the least I can do. She is my friend, after all. She forgave me for ghosting her and being secretive—which, as she said, is what friends do. I’m not sure I’d do the same if the tables were turned.
I swipe the bar on the screen and bring it to my ear.
“Hello?”
“I didn’t think you were going to answer.”
“Sorry, I was in the bathroom.”
