“Jillian. . .Jillian! Come on, don’t be like that! Give me a chance to explain.”
“I suppose it was when you had to go back to the pub last night. Or has this been going on for months?”
He choked in horror. “Months? No, no! There’s nothing between us, I swear. I just—I did go back last night to meet her. But I swear that’s all it was, Jillian. A mistake. I wasn’t trying to screw things up between us!”
My ears were ringing and I felt a strange urge to swallow over and over again. There was a huge lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away.
“Jillian, is he bothering you?”
“Cash, go away! This is none of your business!” Frankie barked.
“It’s the whole town’s business now!” Mrs. Greenberg piped up through the window. “It’s your fault the coffee shop is closed down! Now I can’t get my afternoon cup!”
“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to screw this up. You did.”
Frankie was still looking imploringly at me, but I felt the last shreds of my hope flee.
Christabelle snapped her gum, and I couldn’t bear to look at her as the awful shame and humiliation washed over me again.
“When did you date?” I asked.
I had a horrible suspicion, an awful suspicion.
Please please please no. Let it not be right before. Let me not be the rebound that he marked time with
But when he readily rattled off the months I felt any remaining confidence shrivel and die inside me.
Therewas the explanation for why a man like him had thrown himself into a whirlwind romance with his quiet, studious study partner junior year of college.
Shewas the one who got away.Iwas the consolation. The backup.
“It’s not as—bad as you think,” Frankie rushed over his words, stumbling in his haste. “It didn’t go—all the way. Just some—some stuff. It was really inappropriate. I know I fucked up. I’m sorry. I swear never again. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Putting your dick down her throat is all the way enough for me,” I said.
“Disgusting pervert,” Mrs. Greenberg snapped. “You and Athena can come stay with me if you want, Jillian.”
“No, thank you,” I told her firmly. “I prefer to stay in my own home.”
“Frankie should leave,” Cash said. He had shooed everybody else out of the coffee shop, and I tried to take a deep breath.
“Please no,” Frankie begged me, his face looking panicked. “Think of all we’ve built together. Are you really going to throw it all away for one mistake?”
“What we had was garbage. And garbage gets thrown away. I want you to go.”
“And you, idiot,” Cash snapped at Christabelle, “get your dirty fingers out of the food and stop shoving them in your piehole. Get out.”
Christabelle looked stunned, like she’d never had anyone talk to her like that in her life.
I turned to leave, but then it seemed like they were all waiting for me on the porch: Frankie wiping his hands on his board shorts, Christabelle with a frown on her face, Cash, and Mrs. Greenberg.
“Space,” I said, feeling my throat close up. “I need some space.”
“Yes, of course,” Frankie gasped. “I’ll go down to my office and work and give you a little space. Maybe we can talk about this in a few hours? I’ll make you dinner tonight. Something extra special. You can take as much time as you want with this. Again, I’m so sorry. It’ll never happen again.”
That was not what I had meant by space, but I said nothing.
“I’m sorry, Jillian. If I can help you with anything,” Cash said, “please let me know.”
