It’s late, and her pulse ticks steady as she lies in my arms. It’s like I was born with the sole duty to hold her. To shield her. To protect her from the world.
From the demons that she’s never been able to get away from.
Rain pitter-patters on the nylon roof.
I’ve never felt more at home than I do now.
I wander through darkness and arrive outside Ellie’s room. I carefully open the door and check on her. She sleeps better out here than she ever did in Long Island. She carries less stress on her shoulders—that’s why. School here isn’t an issue like it was back in New York.
“Daddy?” She stirs in the sheets and pokes a confused head up at me. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing, sweetheart. Just checking in to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.”
My heart clenches with bittersweetness. She’s why I’m doing all of this. Ellie is the reason I had to leave.
She’s also the reason I came back. I knew she’d fall in love with Maple Crossing just as much as I did…
Although I realize now that it wasn’t the place that felt like home.
It wasPiper.
And too much has changed for us to ever go back to the way it was.
“Do you always come into my room at night?” Ellie questions, now wide awake. She sits up on her elbows and waits.
The girl won’t settle until her question is answered.
“Yes, occasionally.” I step into her room and close the door behind me, kneeling by her bed. “Just to make sure you’re safe. You couldn’t even begin to understand how much you mean to me.”
She smiles but I can tell she isn’t completely sated. “Piper keeps telling me that she and Sonny are only staying here temporarily.”
“Yes.” I stall at the mere mention of her name. “We’re waiting on the insurance claim to go through.”
“Why can’t they stay here? We have enough space.”
“It’s not as simple as that, sweetheart.”
“Adults love to throw that one around.”
I laugh at her attitude. “Throw what around?”
Ellie groans and sighs, as though doing her best adult impression. “Nothing is ever simple as an adult. I don’t see why they can’t stay. Piper makes mean breakfast pancakes, and Sonny is just about the only second grader boy I can stand. Actually,” she sidenotes, “I can stand him better than the boys in my own grade. Ugh.”
I stiffen up on the floor. “What did you just say?”
“About Piper’s mean pancake-making skills? Mean doesn’t mean bad, Dad. Come on. I already told you about this before.”
“Not that.” I stroke an absent-minded finger over my lip and hope that Ellie slipped up. “You said that Sonny is in the second grade. When’s his birthday?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that he’s eight.”
Which would make him a year older…
Piper told me that he was seven.
It makes the gap between his conception and me leaving even closer…
“Goodnight, sweetheart. I’m sorry for disturbing you.” I kiss Ellie on the temple and close her bedroom door softly behind me. It takes a lot in me to move so slow when my pulse is spiking.
