“He was hurt,” Leo said firmly. “She was taking care of him. That’s not choosing, Orion. That’s responding to need.”
“Is it?” I challenged. “Or is it the beginning of the whole thing falling apart because we’re not actually equal—we’re competing?”
Ares stood up, ignoring his obvious pain. “You think I want this? You think I wanted to spend last night with Tashi worried sick about me? I was beat to hell, Orion. I could barely walk. She insisted on staying because she thought I might have a concussion, and someone needed to watch me.”
“And if it had been me?” I shot back. “If I’d been the one injured? Would she have insisted on staying with me? Or would it have been ‘Orion’s fine, he can handle it’?”
“That’s not fair—” Tashi started.
“None of this is fair!” The ugly words exploded from me. “I fell in love with you.” I gestured at Ares and Leo. “We all did. And we promised we’d make this work. But I don’t know how to do that when every time you need something, it’s not me. When every crisis comes up, someone else gets to be her hero.”
“You want to be Tashi’s what?” Ares asked incredulously. “Is this tantrum about your ego?”
“Tantrum?” I rounded on him. “You’re the one who went rogue yesterday. You ignored protocol and walked into danger without backup. You nearly got killed because you insisted on being the one to save her. And now you get to be the wounded warrior she fusses over while Leo and I pick up the pieces. So don’t talk to me about ego.”
“Orion, stop.” Tashi’s voice shattered the argument like ice. “Just stop.”
I turned to look at her. Tears were streaming down her face.
“You’re right,” she said. “I chose Ares last night. Not because I love him more or because he’s my favorite. I was terrified of losing him because he was hurt, and I needed to see for myself that he was okay. Is that what you wanted to hear? That I’m not perfectly balanced in my attention? That sometimes one of you will need me more than the others?”
“Tashi—” I started.
“No.” She stood up, wiping at her tears. “You want to know why it wasn’t you last night? Because you’re strong, Orion. You’re the one who holds everything together. You’re the one who always has a plan, who never breaks, who everyone relies on. And maybe I forget you need support because you’re so good at pretending you don’t.”
I swallowed hard. She was saying everything I had just said, but reframing it to point out that I pushed people away. And she was correct.
“And Leo—” She turned to him. “You’re the one who makes everything lighter. Who knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. Who I go to when I need to laugh instead of cry. But last night I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t make a plan. I just needed to sit with Ares and make sure he was okay. He needed me as much as I needed him.”
“So, you babysat me,” Ares said quietly.
“No.” Tashi’s voice broke. “You were hurt. And I love you. And I couldn’t lose you. Is that so difficult to understand?”
The room fell silent.
I sank back into my chair, the fight draining out of me as quickly as it had built up.
“I’m sorry,” I said finally. “You’re right. All of you. I’m being?—”
“Human,” Leo finished. “You’re being human. And jealous. And scared that we’re going to lose her because we can’t figure out how to share.”
“Are we?” Tashi asked, looking at each of us. “Going to lose this? Because if you can’t handle that sometimes I’ll be with one of you more than the others—if you need me to be perfectly balanced all the time—then maybe we should stop now before someone gets hurt worse than they already are.”
“No.” The word came from all three of us simultaneously.
Ares moved to her first, pulling her into his arms despite his injuries. “We’re not stopping. We’re figuring this stuff out.”
Leo joined them, one hand on Tashi’s shoulder. “We’re new at this. We’re going to mess up. But that doesn’t mean we quit.”
They all looked at me.
I stood up and crossed to them, completing the circle. “I’m sorry. For being an ass. For letting jealousy make me say things I don’t mean.”
“You meant them,” Tashi said. “And that’s okay. We need to say what we’re feeling, even when it’s ugly.”
“Then…I’m feeling scared,” I admitted. “Scared that I’m going to lose you. That I’m not enough. That being the responsible one means I’ll always be the one who doesn’t get?—”
“Chosen,” Tashi finished. “That’s what you think. That I won’t choose you.”
