“She doesn’t understand I’m trying to protect her. And the baby,” I continued.
“From what exactly?” asked Kevin, arching a brow.
“The world. I don’t know.” I shrugged. “People like Anderson. Public opinion. Judgement. Online hate. Cancel culture. Gossip. All the bullshit that comes with having my name and being who I am. She didn’t sign up for that just because she got involved with me.”
Kevin laughed and I shot him an annoyed look.
“But you can’t protectanyonefrom that. It’s just the world we live in,” he said. “And you trying to control Sadie’s life isn’t helping anyone.”
“I wasn’t trying to control it…” I hadn’t looked at it like that until now. But that was exactly what I was doing. It’s what I always did. Everything had to go my way. I didn’t like feeling out of control. I usually always knew what was coming. That was how I liked things.
But Sadie was one curveball I didn’t see coming.
“You’re being an ass. Admit it,” said Kevin with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes, hating that he was right.
“Think about it…If someone was trying to dictate your life’s choices. You would fucking implode,” he said.
True.
“Face it, man. She put up with your shit a lot longer than she needed to,” said Kevin with a weak smile. “She’s pregnant. Hormonal. Honestly, the woman deserves a prize for putting up with you.”
I scowled at him. I got the point. I didn’t need him to lay it into me anymore. But then again, I did come down here because I knew Kevin would give it to me straight. That was why he was one of my only friends.
Still, him holding up a mirror for me to see all my faults was making this day even worse, knowing Sadie was not waiting upstairs.
“What do I do?” I asked with a shrug.
“It’s really quite simple.” Kevin placed his now empty beer bottle on the table and faced me. “You have to decide what’s important to you. If it’s your business, so be it. But cut Sadie loose. Let her move on and raise the baby without you. She and the baby don’t need to be burdened with your shit.”
I hated even considering that option.
“Or,” he pointedly. He gave me a knowing look. “Accept that you can’t control the rest of the world. You can’t protect her or yourself from it. And just let yourself be happy, man.”
Chapter 49
Sadie
Iwas folding clothes on the bed when there was a soft knock at the door. I looked up and saw Erica standing there with her arms crossed, a look of worry on her face. I gave her a weak smile as I set my favorite folded band tee to the side in a pile with the rest of my shirts.
“How you doing?” she asked gently.
“Fine. Just unpacking.” I untucked my legs from underneath me and stretched them out.
I looked around the room, the walls growing darker as the sun set behind the tall buildings of Manhattan. The white bedside lamp cast a warm glow over the room. My new home for the time being. After I had left Jeremiah, Erica had offered me her guestroom, insisting she had plenty of space in her apartment she shared with her husband, Marco and their daughter, Josie.Like Jeremiah, they also had a penthouse, but with impeccable views of the upper west side.
I reluctantly agreed, not having anywhere else to go, but still felt like I was intruding on their family. Erica had told me that was nonsense when I brought it up, sayingIwas family too. Still, I felt like a stranger looking at a life I had so badly wanted for myself. At the dinner table last night, we all sat around grabbing pizza straight from the box and listening to Josie babble on about her toys and favorite princesses.
Marco was enamored with her just as much as Erica was. It was heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time as I quietly chewed on my pizza, nursing my wounds from the blowout with Jeremiah.
I hadn’t heard from him since I left yesterday afternoon, which wasn’t surprising after I ordered him not to follow me. Not to call me.
Space.
That was what I had said I needed. And I did. But it didn’t mean I didn’t miss him.
Erica came and sat beside me on the blush, floral duvet that covered the beautiful queen-sized bed. She sat Indian-style in her faded jeans and tightened her ponytail high on her head. She grabbed a pair of leggings and folded them neatly, setting them next to my growing piles. She looked them over with her green eyes.
