I enjoy spending time with Scarlett alone. We are still striving to get to know one another better, so having intimate conversations and moments that don't need words brings us closer to one another. I'd be a liar if I wasn't also happy to see our bright smiling beautiful baby girl. She has started developing such an effervescent personality which reminds me much more of her mother than me. She has her mother's big beautiful blue eyes and that bright personality, but she has the makings of my chiseled jawline and the unmistakable dimple in her cheek which is our family trait.
We fall into a bit of a routine. I return to my work at the hospital but make sure that my hours are not late. Prior to being married and having a family, I spent all of my time at the hospital, often sleeping there overnight so I was always accessible to patients when they needed me.
I start overseeing other doctors in the hospital and taking more of an administrative role versus hands-on. I plan to help in difficult cases and definitely assist in surgeries that are more complicated, but I do want to spend more time with my wife and child. I realize that loving also means reprioritizing the things that are important to you.
Scarlett has gone back to school and is able to speak with her advisors to change her workload from just dance to dance with a therapeutic specialty. She will eventually have to receive her master's degree,but I love how committed she is to this new trajectory for her future.
Do I feel a little proud that I was the one who inspired this change in her? Definitely. As a dancer, she is majestic poetry, but as a healer and a therapist and someone who is able to support people like her mother, she is absolute magic. As the weeks go on she is cast in the corps de ballet forA Midsummer Night’s Dream. I go and see the ballet every night as I promised I would. We have a nurse stay with Rayne when my sister comes with me, but usually I go alone. Once, I actually take Griffin who finds my wife to be a little more interesting, and I can see a twinkle of envy in his eyes.
“God, she’s gorgeous,” Griffin comments during the intermission.
“In all ways,” I tell him.
She is in the corps de ballet and is spotlighted in a dance with three other dancers playing fairies. During this short dance, one can see her incredible talent and strength.
I have the opportunity to speak to the creative director on behalf of my wife, hoping to get her a better position in the company. I am told that Scarlett is one of the strongest dancers though also one of the most junior and, being such, she will have to pay her dues. The night after Griffin and I give the show a standing ovation with the rest of the audience, however, we learn Scarlett will be dancing as the understudy to Hermia. She is absolutely thrilled but it means she'll have to devote more time to the studio. With a heavier school load, she’ll also be spending more time at school which makes her unhappy because she wants to be with me and the baby.
“It’s only for one semester. You spent nine months of your life making our daughter; let me give her that time being her father while her mother makes the world a better place. You may be young, Scarlett, but your hopes and dreams are as important as mine.” I mean every single word.
Her life's ambitions are equally as valuable as my career, perhaps more so since she has not been given the advantages and privileges I’d received. Instead, she spent her childhood dodging questionable men and diving into dance to escape a world constantly in pursuit of her. Iam honored to be able to give her all of the time and space she needs to develop and become the best of who she can be. That being said, I also enjoy being with my baby daughter. She is tiny, lovely, and warm in my arms. She is so easy to carry around. I hold her while I am on the phone or doing things that I need to do; I like having her with me.
My sister is also back at school so it is time for us to hire a nanny. I have had a litany of nurses up until this point, but with Scarlett's school and workload being increased for the next few months, I decide it is time to break down and finally hire someone to take care of my daughter while I work from home.
I don't trust anyone; that is the biggest problem. Finding someone whom I can have around sensitive information is going to be very difficult to achieve. None of Scarlett's friends are available because they are all in school or they are dancers. I don't trust many of the people Mia hangs out with, and neither does she, so at least we agree on that point.
I reach out to my friend Caden who is a hockey player and also extremely busy with hockey. He doesn't have much time to do anything that isn't CSS-related, but during our monthly meeting at the pub, I am finally able to approach him about the possibility of his sister, London, nannying for us. She is a few years older than Scarlett and Mia. She’d just graduated from college after receiving a bachelor's degree in botanical sciences. She is very nurturing and demonstrative and fell in love with Rayne when she met her a few weeks back. She, Scarlett, and Mia became fast friends, so London is a great choice if Caden agrees. I would still have a nurse on call just in case the baby needs anything. London enthusiastically accepts the job, and things look like they’ve all fallen into place.
Scarlett is home the night I get a call from an anonymous phone number. The fact that this number got through my very rigorous phone security is alarming. I don't have a live operator sifting through my phone calls because many of them are protected by HIPAA laws and also sensitive and secretive in nature due to my involvement with CSS. Instead, I use a highly advanced call filtering system that canregister where the call is coming from, its origination, and generally its purpose.
Later a text comes through. I'd been working to discover the origins of Carl's request for a bioweapon of mass destruction and came close to discovering that he and some CIA operatives were working with the government to eliminate people. This is where I get confused because our government is ruled by laws and the Constitution. Operating under such tyrannical methods is more in line with a fascist regime. As soon as I let the call go to voicemail, a single text pops up on my screen.
No man is an island, no island is safe. We will decode it if you don’t. When we do, we won’t need you, and you won’t have them.
It is cryptic but says everything plainly.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Scarlett
Beckett is distracted and upset.
I get home from rehearsals and am exhausted from a long day at school and an equally long day at the theater.A Midsummer Night’s Dreamopens on Thursday. I have seen Beckett upset by work before. When he has a problem he can't solve, like a devastating diagnosis for a long-term patient, he comes home like this. I am cradling Rayne in my arms when he comes in.
“What’s wrong?” I ask immediately.
“Nothing,” he tries to brush off my inquiry.
“I know there's something wrong. Either you want to tell me or you don't, but say that instead of lying, please.” I know he isn't one to divulge secrets but we have to have an honest relationship or our marriage, no matter how terminal, won't remain happy.
I don't like the idea that we will soon be divorced. Even five years from now seems too early. I am beginning to truly enjoy Beckett's company and feel connected to him in a way I’d never experienced with another person. He feels like my other half, despite being older and more powerful. He is also someone who learns from me. I have empathy and an awareness of people that he seems to lack. Together we fill in each other's gaps, and I am beginning to be addicted to him. He’d said it was up to me how long our marriage would last, but he hadn’t ripped up the contract I signed, so no matter what he says, our marriage still has an end date.
“You're right,” he says with a somber tone. “I shouldn't bring lies into our marriage.” He stares at me as if his thoughts are the same as mine.What is our marriage exactly?
“Thank you.” I stand a little straighter with his admission.
“I received a threatening text. I'm not at all surprised. In fact, I would be shocked if I didn't receive one. What I am concerned about,however, is that I need to have a deeper level of security on you, and on Rayne and Mia. Everyone I love needs to be protected by heavily armed guards. The problem with this is I don't know who I can trust.” He makes himself a drink and sits on the couch, looking like the weight of the world has settled on his shoulders.
“What about giving them the fake formula until you can figure this all out?”
