Whenever life gets chaotic—when the mental earthquakes start rumbling—I always return to my anchor: Stoic philosophy.
People think stoicism is about numbing your emotions, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The real aim is to strip away destructive emotions and cultivate the ones that keep you grounded.
So, when someone calls me cold or calculating, what they’re actually seeing is a man who refuses to let negativity poison his bloodstream.
Or at least… that’s who I used to be.
I pick upMeditationsby Marcus Aurelius. The worn-down spine and damaged pages give away how often I’ve turned to it.
Stripping off my clothes one layer at a time, I head toward the back of the house. The glass doors slide open to a stretch of manicured stone patio, infinity pool glimmering like liquid sapphire, and beyond that—my own strip of sand. Palms sway lazily in the salt-heavy breeze, and the gated dunes keep the world at bay. The Atlantic is right there, loud and endless, mine alone.
I drop into a lounge chair with nothing but black pants rolled up to my ankles and the weight of today pressing down on my shoulders.
I need to read. I need to remember who the hell I am. Because today? Today was brutal. I didn’t handle my need to see her the way I thought I would. When she walked in, all sunshine and sweetness, and gave me that effortlessly innocent“Hi,”I panicked and blacked out the windows in my office.
As if cutting off the view could somehow cut off the feeling.
It didn’t work. She couldn’t see me, but I could see her. And that was the problem.
I hated how composed she looked. Confident, competent. Laughing with her team like nothing was heavy, like work was a breeze. Meanwhile, I couldn’t get through a single meeting without glancing up every five minutes to check what she was doing.
I spent the entire day holed up like a hermit, trying to convince myself I was above it. That I could handle it. But by late afternoon, I found myself walking into her office like a man possessed just to watch her work. Just to see the woman she’s become.
I tried to outwit her, push her buttons, maybe even humble her a little… but I couldn’t.
I’ve always been weak when it comes to Emma Green. Apparently, some things don’t change.
I take a deep breath of salty air, letting the rhythm of the waves fight the noise in my head. I flip open the book, landing on the page I knew I needed. The line I’ve underlined in faded yellow.
You must always remember that the attention you give to any action should be in due proportion to its worth.—Marcus Aurelius
So then why the hell am I giving so much of my attention to someone who doesn’t deserve to have value in my life?
She doesn’t.
Shecan’t.
I can’t afford to fall for Emma Green again.
This is unhealthy. I can’t keep doing this.
That pair of pants should be banned from the office.
Emma always had this effortless way of looking incredible—even in sweatpants. Today, she’s got me sighing into my morning coffee as I watch her from behind the glass wall of my office. Another sleepless night, another caffeine-fueled Emma-induced trance.
It’s been a week since she started working here, and I’m not even surprised she already knows half my staff by name. Emma’s always been that kind of person—a charming, social butterfly. The kind of woman who walks into a room and leaves people smiling like they’ve known her forever.
I never understood why someone like her would want to spend time with someone like me.
Back in high school everyone knew her. Everyone adored her. Meanwhile, I was old money and a permanent scowl. People tolerated my attitude because of my last name, not because they liked me.
Focus, Luca. You have work to do.
Mr. Eyre requested a meeting this afternoon. He wants a house in the Keys. All I have to do is point to the one he’s going to buy.
Am I good at my job? Absolutely. Do I enjoy it? Eh. It doesn’t make me miserable… but it doesn’t make me feel alive either.
What I really wanted was to study philosophy. Maybe become a professor. But my father had a different idea for me, so here I am… selling homes to the rich and famous.
