Someone knocks on the door and then enters the room. A nurse, over forty. She looks at me with a friendly smile. She's carrying a tray with food. Even though Cassandra isn't sleeping, I don't think that 'waking her up' in her current state will be a good idea. And if she's falling asleep, I know how she will react, if she thinks I'm about to work on her.
"Nurse, let's not wake her up. She had trouble falling asleep. If you can leave the tray on that table, I'll appreciate it." I point at the table with my lady-killer smile.
"Oh, this poor girl. She hasn't eaten anything in two days. Look how skinny she is." Yes, I know that I'm the reason she's that skinny. Thank you for the reminder, by the way.
I always tried to give Cassandra extra food. I could see her body withering away. When I raised the subject to the organization, my bosses said they'd rather let her die before spending another dime in food, so I started smuggling food in my pockets. I even crushed vitamin pills at home, because sometimes I managed to intercept her breakfast tray, so I sprinkled the vitamins on her bowl when no one was looking. Just because I could see that my work was taking its toll on her.
"You can leave it there; I will personally feed her when she wakes up." Hearing myself embarrassed me. I'm her protector now? After everything I did to her? Yeah, way to go, bravo!
"Please, make sure that she does. Otherwise, we'll have to force-feed her…" The stubborn woman finally obeys and leaves the tray on the table. "On behalf of the entire staff, I wanted to thank you and your unit for your service and dedication. You saved a lot of lives, my nephew included. We are treating him as well in this facility. He's in a much worse condition than she is, but alive. And that's what matters. Thank you, sir! You brought joy back to our lives. Thank you very much!" She claims while holding my hands before walking out of the room, without expecting an answer. Thank God, I'm out of cliché answers. I could never get used to people thanking me.
Through the corner of my eye, I spy on Cassandra. I know she heard the whole thing: her stirred breathing gives her away. Her fingers are pressed hard against the pillow as if she's trying to prevent someone from taking it away from her. But she doesn't say anything. She keeps on playing the game of pretending to be asleep.
"You brought joy back to our lives." Those words shocked me. They left a heavy pounding sensation on my chest. Could Cassandra feel that way, too? Or is she experiencing hatred, instead of joy?
I'll stay for a bit longer and then I'll get out of here. By then, my replacement should be here. I better call him now to make sure he shows up. I pull my phone out of my pocket and hit the first number in my speed dial. Carter picks up before the first ring ends; he's not only a good friend, he's also my cousin. We share this life. He might not agree with the term 'share'— after all, I spent half my days serving in the military and the rest focused on my 'business'; he, on the other hand, is and always has been an independent 'contractor' of sorts. For better or worse, we DO share this life and always cover each other. He arrives at the hospital a few minutes after I ask him if he can cover for me.
The least I can do for her before I become a ghost for good, is to buy her some new clothes. I always hated seeing her dressed in that smelly rag. They wouldn't let me change it or even wash it. I'm sure she was cold after being completely wet for hours, that must have been hard for her.
God bless America and the 24/7 stores. It wouldn't have been my first choice —had I had any— but at this hour there's no way around it. It's late as shit and I need to buy crap for her. For the first time in my life, I'm walking around a women's clothing department, actually looking to buy something instead of just pretending to shop. To my surprise, I don't understand jack shit about women's sizes or styles, so I grab what I think would be convenient for her to wear. Cassandra needs a fresh start; maybe this will help ease the transition from where she was to where she needs to be. The cashier looks at me with distrust. Who can blame her? I mean, who goes and buy this many clothes at this time of night? And why? People who feel guilty, that's who and why.
On my way back to the hospital, I start remembering that during the mission, I used to wonder, what would Cassandra want to do after she gets discharged from the hospital? My guess is as good as any. Maybe look for her mother. She'll be under custody for a long time, at the very least until the debriefs are completed, all the bodies are identified and the next of kin are notified. The government will provide her with housing until she can get back on her feet, but that will take some time as well.
I step back into her room. She's sleeping for real this time. I leave the bags next to the bed. I'm about to turn around and disappear forever and I can't help myself— I must look at her one last time.
Fuck it.
I never did this before.
I didn't want her to think I was going to sexually assault her, on top of abusing her body the way I was. But this is the last time I'll see her and she's sleeping. I won't get a better chance than this. I know I shouldn't, but it's too late… my hand's already sliding down… I never thought it would feel this smooth and soft… I always wanted to do it and I'm finally doing it… my hand on her silky hair, so silky it actually slips away from my fingers, just like water would do.
I feel responsible. Leaving feels like abandoning her, it feels wrong; but this is as far as I can go, my job here is done. I was the wrath in her nightmares, the boogeyman, the monster inside the closet; and now this abomination will release her from its torment. I kiss her forehead, and I also wish her a good life.
"You will never see me again, Cassandra, this I promise… What I can't promise is… that I won't seeyouagain."
When I step out of the room, Carter is sitting in the waiting room, reading the newspaper and having some coffee.
"Cuz," I call him. He looks up at me and smiles. He's always in a good mood, even when the shit hits the fan. I always envied that in him. He stands up, smacks the paper on the table and gulps down what's left of the coffee.
He always liked to dress like a fucking biker —leather from head to toes—, he carries a badass motherfucker attitude, an Elvis-level pussy-magnet demeanor, and he also has the looks of a freaking underwear model.
"I can't recall the last time I saw you this tired. Was it in Vegas?" he laughs.
"The fact that I don't remember anything at all about that trip tells me everything I need to know. Listen, she asked me to leave and I intend to indulge. That officer right there is in charge of this shift." I look and nod in the officer's direction. "Nobody else but him and the nurses may enter her room. I trust you will enforce this directive."
"Whatever you say goes, cuz," he acknowledges.
"Thank you, I owe you…" I grab his shoulder. I mean it. He knows this mission was hard as fuck on me. He also knows this is my ticket out; that I decided to call it quits a while ago.
My career started in the military a long time ago. Working my ass off, as hard as I could, I managed to please my parents, but they didn't always share my values and beliefs, so I retired from the force and started a pretty illegal life. As it turns out, illegal shit is profitable as fuck, and I didn't have to report to arrogant assholes or put up with their stupid shit. I spent years working in the shadows, staying hidden as much as I could, earning more money than I really needed. Until the cocksuckers reached out to me. They knew I was a perfect fit for this mission, it wasn't a coincidence. Everybody knew about my demons and their endless struggle to claim the throne. Sometimes evil took over just to be vanquished later by good. Sometimes I was ruled by none of them, but anarchy…
"Yeah, you owe me a few already, but we can discuss this later." He mocks me with an impression of a military salute and pats my back. Then he returns to his seat.
What I like the most about Carter is that he never asks questions about anything. That makes him smart, as well. He's like a brother to me. I know he feels the same about me. We're there for each other, without hesitation. Life threw bad shit at us and that strengthened our bond even more. We're the only family we have… the only family left.
Blood comes first… always.
Chapter Six
