Oh my God.
His back is crowded with scars, just like mine. I know those markings, those patterns. They were made with a whip. Some are old, others are recent. His back is all sweaty and shiny, making them stand out.
What? I can’t avoid looking at his body. He has scars all over his chest, too; his ripped muscles conceal them a little, but they’re still visible.
“Do you feel like working out a little bit?” He asks. I hear, but don’t answer. “Hello? Sarah Fitcher? Why are you staring at me like that?”
I snap out of it. “I was just listening to the music.” That’s a lie, even though ‘Fearless Boogie’ is playing, I didn’t hear it until I said that.
“Right. Listen, did you sleep okay?” He’s looking at me with a sly smile.
“Oh!... Yeah… I’m sorry, I just…” I point over my shoulder.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I don’t mind if you feel the need to spy on me every now and then. I know I deserve it.” He chuckles.
I frown. “Spy on you? No! I just heard some strange noises and I wanted to see what it was.”
“Did ZZ Top wake you up? Or did I?”
“No… I had a nightmare… And then I heard…” What’s wrong with me? I can’t even think straight right now.
“A nightmare?” He interjects. “Was I in it?” He frowns, he seems pissed. Damn, this is a bad sign.
“Not at all.” Another lie and he can clearly see through it. He doesn’t even try to conceal his disappointment towards me but doesn’t say anything about it. It’s like an unspoken thing. It’s better this way.
“Do you want to have some breakfast?”Why am I so nervous?Maybe I just didn’t get over the dream yet, it’s still fresh. The feeling of his soft skin touching mine still electrifies me. He’s so close to me that my body gets pulled towards him like a magnet. We are a few inches apart but close enough for me to feel his warmth. This is affecting me more than I would have guessed. “It’s okay, you can ask,” he says while drying his hands with the towel. I can see a hint of a smile on his face.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I’m trying not to look at his chest, or arms, or abs or anything! But I check him out anyway and when I do he finds my eyes. I feel like I’m going to be slain by the intensity of those light green eyes. Of course, I know what he means, and I also know that there is no escaping this. So, I cut to the chase. “Who did this to you?” I move my right hand fully open, palm first, towards his chest.This is a mistake. I stop before I can touch him. I close my hand in the air and take it back. He looks tense. I guess that makes two of us. His lips are pressed together and form a thin line. He swallows, slow and hard. His Adam’s apple moves up and down. I hear his muscles moving. He promptly steps closer to me, looking forward. He’s decided to kiss me. I’m decided to kiss him, or at least I want to… He takes another step.
Wait a minute.
He’s not stopping. He goes by me and grabs his water bottle, which is behind me. He steps back and sips from it a few times. Then, it hits me:
The mission where you were involved overcame every textbook, practice or experience I had in the past and made me feel like a rookie again.
I suffered when you did.
I’m feeling nauseous.
Lightheaded.
I’m about to throw up. I’m terrified.
“I told you, didn’t I…?” He says the minute he realizes how terrified I am. “I’ve suffered with you; we’ve suffered together.”
This is bad, this is very bad… HE’S FUCKING CRAZY.
I take a few steps away from him. He… did this to himself.
“Why would you do something like that!? Are you out of your mind!?” He puts the water bottle down and, like a feral animal ready to battle, he lunges at me. In a split second and with a single step he manages to be right in front of me again. He’s so close that I can feel his breath hitting my face.
“We deal with pain differently. This is the way that suited me best. This is the result of my way. You asked, ‘How did I manage to torture you?’ Here’s your answer.” He takes one step back, arms to his side, palms open facing up, and spins in front of me, so that I can really see the scars. “This is my atonement process and I can do with it as I please.”Atonement? As in to be in harmony? With me!?He is seriously fucking nuts. Before I can say any of these things I’m thinking, he continues, “Or would you rather have me repress every feeling inside of me?” He points right at my face. “You know what you need, and yet you go against it.”
“Excuse me? I’m not gonna say that this is okay. This is fucking unreal. There’s no way I can ever relate to this kind of shit.”
“Oh, really? Your body is telling you everything you need and you ignore it! Do you think I can’t tell?”What is he talking about?“So, don’t think you can fucking judge me, Sarah.” With my name still echoing in the room, his gaze went from my feet to my head, and I think I know what he means now.
He pushes the door open, slamming it on the wall, and stomps away.
